From the Annamaniacs Files: Driving Me Crazy

I had a request from my daughter - yes the same one in this story - to post this particular column from my heydays as a humor writer in newspapers.  Apparently she thinks that this story of herself somehow impresses people. I am not going to argue.

*****

                Having seven kids means that you eventually learn to handle stress fairly well.  You learn not to pull out your hair when kids draw on the walls. You don’t freak out at the first sign of blood. And watching two-year-olds walk along the backs of couches or four-year-olds climbing trees, doesn’t strike fear into your heart.

            So I’m cool, I’m calm, I’m collected, and I’m in control.

            Or at least I was until my sixteen-year-old got her learners permit.

            To be fair, we’ve been after these teenage girls to get drivers licenses.  Here in Alberta they can get their learners at fourteen. They can get their license at sixteen. I have a seventeen-year-old that still hasn’t made the first step. The sixteen-year-old finally has. I want my daughters independent. I want them to be able to drive themselves places instead of having to ask mom and dad or rely on unreliable friends. Most of all, I don’t want to have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to drive them to their scripture study class.

            So I was happy she finally got her learners. And yes, I would teach her how to drive. I could handle this.

            I can’t handle this.

            “First rule,” I say to my daughter, “do not hold on to the steering wheel like a two year old does. It causes the van to sway all over the road.”

            “I’m not going to do that Mom,” I know how to stay straight.”

            “That would be fine if this was a straight road. But it curves.”

            “So how am I doing?”

            “Don’t look at me when you say that.”

            “Mom, why are you pretending that you have a brake?”

            “Why are you looking at my feet?”

            “Mom, I’ve driven this road plenty of times.”

            “You mean once.”

            “No, three.”

            “Three times is not exactly plenty.”

            “Now wasn’t that a good turn?”

            “Yes dear, it was the best turn in the entire history of the world, except for that car that you hit.

            “Mom, there was no car there.”

            “Well if there had been you would have hit it.”

            “Well if there had been a car there, I wouldn’t have turned so wide.”

            “That’s right, you would drive so much better with more traffic on the road.”

             My husband came home from a driving lesson and declared “I’m never letting her drive again! You teach her.”

            “What happened?” I asked smiling.

            “She shone the high beams right into an oncoming car.”

            “I couldn’t see.” My daughter said.

            “Neither could the other driver.” My husband said.  “He nearly drove into the lake.”

            So it was up to me. Not only that, but it meant that whenever I picked my daughter up from work I had to take the clunky old van instead of the nice new car, so that she could drive home. There was no way she was going to be allowed behind the wheel of the car.

            “Would you relax.” She said one day on the way home from her work.

            “I am relaxed. I’m having a nice relaxing drive sitting in the passenger’s seat. The next time we do this, could you remind me to bring your brother’s bike helmet and the cell phone?”

            “Well, at least you haven’t freaked out yet.”

            “Not even when you shone your high beams into an oncoming car and almost drove into the ditch trying to shut them off.”

            “Yeah, you were pretty cool about that.”

            “I was speechless.”

            “You know, if you want me to learn how to drive, you’re going to have to let me.”

            “That would be logical. My brain understands that. It’s my body that hasn’t grasped the concept.”

            So I am warning everyone out there as I uncurl my body from its fetal position. My daughter is driving. Please be patient. Mistakes will be made. And keep your fingers to yourselves.

 

*****

Now that I posted it, could my daughter post in the comments section and tell what happened in drivers ed class and at school after this column appeared in the newspaper.

Frankie, Squeeze My Rubber Duckie!

I'm pretty easy going when it comes to movies, TV and music. When something questionable comes on I don't put my hands over my ears, shut my eyes and sing "la, la, la, la" until I think it's safe  to stop. I have no problem with people who do this unless they tell me that I should do it too. I just choose not to do it because I have a wicked side and I admit it.  I know people who only watch G rated movies and still think they're risque. I am also not one to go purposely looking for problems. When a Christian coalition accused Bert and Ernie of being gay, I rolled my eyes. I roll my eyes a lot which may be why the words on medicine bottles have gotten smaller.

My grandchildren are visiting. The fact that I have grandchildren is causing me panic attacks. When did I get old enough to have grandchildren? My birth certificate says I'm old enough, but I swear this whole thing has snuck up on me. Shouldn't there be warning signs? Like alarm systems that go off screaming "Danger" when you reach certain birthdays? Celebrities my age are having children for the first time. When my first grandchild was born I still had young kids. Is it any wonder that I am in denial about my age and my growing sense of foreboding that I am running out of time and I still haven't made a million, gone to Europe, fit back into normal clothes, or been kissed since...since...see, I've forgotten. Memory loss is a sign of old age.

Anyway, with my grandkids here  the cable channel Treehouse is on all the time. I don't normally watch Treehouse. It wasn't a station that was on when my kids were little. Sure there were kid shows but not on all day and all night for those two year olds who stay up late partying with beer and drugs. It was while I was watching Treehouse that I became perturbed and realized that I am just not mature enough to handle the material that is being presented. During a one hour period I heard these following statements from various kid shows geared to the pre-school crowd.

"Frankie, squeeze my rubber duckie."
"Spread your legs. Now spread your cheeks."
"Dam the puddle."

I was shocked. I wanted to put my hands over my ears, shut my eyes and sing "la, la, la, la". But it was too late. The damage had been done. My psyche had been irreversibly compromised. I had not been prepared for such phrases. In the past I knew I was going into enemy territory when I watched  Sex and the City and so I was prepared for the dangers I would meet there. But this was different.  I thought I was safe and so I had not been careful.  My 12 and 13 year old were affected by it too. "Frankie, squeeze my rubber duckie" has become a catch phrase around here.

A warning out there. Treehouse is like walking through a landmine.

And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

We spent a bit of time today talking in Sunday School about a passage in JSM 8 “ And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.” We looked at the word “offended” and talked about what that meant.

I took issue with some of it. Did I say anything? No. Because Gospel Doctrine class is not a safe place to say anything that doesn't go along with the consensus of the group.

Basically it was stated that when someone is offended then they are the ones at fault.

In some cases I think this is true. We have all been in situations of innocently offending someone. Or been in situations where we disagree with someone and our disagreement causes offense even though we have no intention to offend. We know or may have heard of members who have left the church over something someone has said. And yet I think there is a bit of shirking of responsibility going on with this belief. One person stated something to the effect (I don't dare try to exactly quote someone), “no one can make us feel anything. We choose what we feel. If we're offended we choose to be so.”

Really? If someone comes up to you and calls you stupid or ugly and you're instantly hurt, are you choosing that emotion? Isn't that a natural reaction?

And aren't we creating a “blame the victim” attitude.

Because believe it or not, there are people within the church who are cruel and mean. People who will tell you that you're stupid (yes, it's happened to me), accuse you of being a bad parent (yep, happened to me again), question your faith (yes to me again) go behind your back to the bishop making false accusations while they keep in the shadows not allowing me to know who they are (the me is a give-away) tell you that you're worthless (yep, again), call you a liar (yes it has happened) and blame you for what ever had gone wrong (all this and more has happened to me.)

None of this was accidental. It was not me misinterpreting things. It happened.

A lot of this was done by a leader.

But we're not supposed to speak out against the leaders. We can say they're not perfect, but we still have to accept whatever garbage, punishments, and misjudgegments (withholding of temple blessings, church callings, etc. etc.) that comes from them. We are warned not to say anything or else we are in danger of being an apostate – yep, I've been accused of that one too. Note - I am not saying that we shouldn't be held accountable for our actions and in some cases its necessary to take away church priviledges, but there should be proof or confession, not because a leader doesn't like you or believe you or because its a case of he said/she said and they always believe the priesthood holder because he has the priesthood.

So if we can't speak against the leaders the answer is to suffer alone in silence.

I wonder how many suffer alone in silence and would feel much better if they knew they were not alone. I wonder how many bad things happen that are kept quiet and continue to happen because we are not supposed to speak out against our leaders.

All the leaders are men. If there's a problem between a sister and a leader, then its the leader (the man) who is to be upheld and believed. The sister must at all costs be kept quiet and disbelieved. It is her reputation and standing in the church that is threatened, never his, because he is a leader and therefore innocent of any wrong doing. There might be some who take offense to this - yes I used the word offense - but it stands to reason that if the leaders cannot be questioned and must be followed and all leaders are men, then the sister cannot be supported.

I think this whole thing of saying “if you're offended then it's your own fault” stance is a nice way to let everyone else off the hook. It allows us to say or do anything to each other and not suffer the consequences. “I can tell that sister that she should take better care of her children and if she's offended then oh well, it's her problem.”

And then we wonder why people leave the church and blame them for leaving. "They don't have enough faith. They are not righteous enough. They shouldn't feel hurt when someone says hurtful things."

Why would you stick around if you do not feel loved? If you are not loved? If people chase you away?

I have chosen to stick around. Yes I have been offended. I admit it. I have an off/on switch when it comes to my emotions. Either all my emotions are on and accessible, or none of them are. When I was a teenager my switch was off. I shut everyone out. I had no friends. I didn't care about my family. I chose not to feel emotion. It was an experience that I don't recommend to anyone. Consequently, with my on switch on, I feel things. So when people are mean to me, I get hurt. I get offended. I feel those things strongly just like I feel joy, humor and love. If someone comes up and tells me I'm a bad mother then it hurts and I get offended. If someone comes up and gives me a compliment, then I feel good. Having my on switch on, enables me to love my children and makes me a better mother. It enables me to feel the spirit. It allows me to forgive and understand others. It also causes me pain. The pain I feel is worth the joy I get to have. It's the price. I do not want to give it up in order to not be "offended". It is not that my emotions rely too much on other people, but it is the result of not being an island. I do not live in this world alone and consequently I am affected by other people and other people are affected by me.

So why have I stuck around when I have experienced so much pain within the church? Because it's where the Lord wants me to be. That I know, and I will follow the Lord, not some leader that would lead me off a cliff. Do I expect others who have left over becoming “offended” to understand this? Nope. Instead I understand them and feel compassion for them. Not because I have great spiritual insight – I don't, frankly I'm not a leader in anything and I'm constantly struggling, and no one is looking to me as an example – but because I came so close to leaving myself and only my stubbornness (he is not going to chase me away) and knowing that the Lord wants me there, as well as the example I feel I need to set for my children, has kept me within the church. There were many times I wished I had the money to move away to get distance between myself and a bad leader who told me that I was not spiritual and could not received revelation for my own life, but alas, I was not able to just pick up and go to another stake, another ward, or else I would have. I do not perceive that as running away from problems, but merely as going to a place where I can be better loved and understood.

People can be offended and leave the church over little things. In that case, they are probably on the edge anyway and just looking for an excuse. But sometimes there are big things and big reasons. It is arrogant of us to point fingers at those who have been “offended” and blame them for sorrows that have been heaped upon them by others. It is unfair to ask that people not feel anything when others are being cruel. “We choose how we feel.” Really? If someone punches you in the face with his fist would you not feel physical pain? If they punch you in the face with their words, would you not feel emotional pain? If you are punched in the face with a fist you can go to someone and complain about it and no one would condemn you for it or tell you that you shouldn't feel sore or you shouldn't be damaged. But we are to suffer word punches silently. I feel tremendous empathy and understanding towards those who have left. For now, I have chosen a different path, but I completely understand why they have chosen the other one.

Abuse happens when we keep silent. Leaders have lead people astray. The scriptures are full of examples both ancient and modern. History has shown us, both in and out of the church, examples of leaders who have done atrocities while victims have kept quiet, out of fear, out of respect for the office of the leader, of knowing they will not be believed. The result is that the leader continues to do his misdeeds. What do you do when a leader denies you blessings, for instance the blessings of the temple, because they have misjudged you? What do you do when a leader says “I have the priesthood and you have to abide by me”, again a statement that makes women powerless.

It was also said something to the effect that if we are offended then perhaps there is truth in what was said. Again, really? If someone says something, makes an accusation, then it's true? So if someone comes up to you and says “you're stupid,” then that makes it true? Frankly, I didn't know I had that kind of power that I could run around pointing fingers making all kinds of statements and magically that means they are instantly true.

I have been offended because people have deliberately hurt me. I have chosen not to be offended when I recognize that there was no malicious intent involved and we all say things that can be taken two ways. In this case I choose to look at it in a more positive light and give them the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes deliberate hurt is unmistakable. There are those who would not believe that others in the church would be hurtful. They have led lives where they haven't experienced it and so they believe it doesn't happen. It's like the atheists who haven't experienced God so they come to the conclusion that there is no God because they haven't experienced it.

I have chosen to stay in the church. Fortunately for me there are kind people in my ward as well, who have been there for me and often have a nice thing to say to me. If there are those who disbelieve me, it is perhaps because they themselves are kind and can't imagine why anyone would say those things to a sister.

There is the parable of the lost sheep. We are to search out the lost sheep and bring them home. Perhaps we wouldn't have so many lost sheep if we didn't chase them away. So lets not chase the sheep away. Let's not be wolves in sheep's clothing. Let's not be the mean sheep that turn our backs on others, keeping to our own little cliques and saying nasty things. Then we wouldn't have to search for so many lost sheep.

There is also the story of the prodigal son. I have always felt empathy for the son who stayed home. I think we judge him unfairly yet I think he has a point when he tells his father “ Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment (admittedly an overstatement but lets look at the spirit of it and recognize that he was hurt when he said it): and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends."

Basically I think he's saying “Hold it. I'm here. I've always been here. Why don't you celebrate me? Don't you love me?” If you look at the scripture, he wasn't even invited to the party. No one came and told him that his brother was home. He was left out in the field, working hard, and he was forgotten. Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.


Are we doing that? Are we forgetting the ones that are here? Are we not inviting them to the party? Do we fail to celebrate them? Are we failing to love them? Or are we instead blaming them after they leave and saying “well, if they're offended then it is their own fault.”

And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

When we look at this scripture it's natural to assume that it is the ones who are offended that will do the betrayal and the hating. And certainly there is a case for that. But we can look at this scripture another way. Perhaps there are those who are offended because they have been betrayed and hated.

And maybe that's what she should be focusing on. Not betraying, and not hating, and loving instead, so that people won't be offended and can come to us and solve differences and misunderstandings instead of going away to suffer alone in silence.

Hats! Hats! And More Hats!

Lady Gaga did not get her inspiration from Madonna. She got it from British Royalty. Anyone who watched any part of the royal wedding knows what I mean. Apparently there was a note on the invitations that instructed the ladies to wear a kooky hat. This is not an unusual request as they are required to wear kooky hats to every function.

Now I'm not against hats. I think there are some lovely hats out there. They can be practical and functional. In the winter they can help keep us warm. In the summer they can keep the sun off our heads. In the spring and fall they can keep the wind from blowing our hair into our eyes which can look sexy in a photo shoot but just makes us look deranged in real life. They also can make a statement, add personality, frame a face, and are a quick solution for a bad hair day. And they can be fun. Like these ones which are all appropriate for a wedding. No baseball caps allowed.







This pretty pink concoction protects her head from the sun and finishes off her outfit nicely.


















A little ostentatious with the feathers but still fun and lovely.
It's a head turner but in a positive way.











I call this one the Audrey Hepburn. If I had a hat collection - which I don't because I don't attend things that require pretty hats - it's not the first one I would get, but it would be in my top 10.






This natural straw one makes me think of iced tea, lemonade and cucumber sandwiches.














Now admittedly this black one isn't everybody's cup of tea, but it is fun and funky. I think I would add a thick white or cream band around the crown, just to break up all that black and then it would go great with a black and white or black and cream outfit.






The Queen has never been known as a fashion plate, but take a look at what she wore to the wedding and the races.

















See, even she knows what makes a pretty and fun hat. That blue one is even a little whimsical with the slanted crown.
















So now that we've established what a great hat is, lets take a look at what people actually wore to some British events. None of these events involved Halloween costumes, clowns, or throwing beads while topless. People actually seriously wore these things on their heads in public.


Did Princess Beatrice start this hat off as a cocoon farm and just waited until they all hatched before presenting this to the world? I heard that butterflies are attracted to dead things. It makes me wonder what is under all those butterflies and sitting on top of her head. Maybe Beatrice is under attack from a swarm. I think I can recreate this hat. I just have to go down to the dollar store and get some fridge magnets.




She decided to do even better at her cousin's wedding. Now she's trying out for the role of the mirror in a Disney production of Snow White. Did she not know this was a wedding and she isn't supposed to upstage the bride? Somebody show this girl her grandmother's hat closet. I'm sure she could find something with a butterfly or a ribbon. Sarah Ferguson, talk to your daughter, an intervention must be done immediately.





This is called a fascinator (I guess because they're fascinating) and they are considered an acceptable alternative to a hat. I think her five year old made this in kindergarten from leftover brooms.













Someone left a cake out in the rain. And I don't think I can take it, cause it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again...
Looks like she brought her own snack and enough for the rest of the class.






Some people have compared this to a part of a woman's anatomy, but I won't go there. It does make me think of a tippy canoe.

By the way, when did hats start being worn on the forehead? Is it to cover up wrinkles and acne?


I swear that thing is going to slide right into her face.









Isn't this that ride at the carnival where you step inside, they strap you spread eagled and they spin you around? Or maybe I saw motorcycles spin around in these things. Or maybe it was the rotational paths of the planets.






I don't think Carrie Bradshow oops sorry, Sarah Jessica Parker, was invited to anything royal, but she certainly follows their fashion sense. Now the butterflies are a little more tasteful. Two or three is enough, but I'm wondering if it hurt to have that tree planted in her head, and I did notice that the pinecone is causing her problems staying where it's supposed to be.







I'm not sure what to say about this. Are the roses holding the wall up or is the wall preventing the roses from falling down? Hold it, is that a...I do believe she's wearing a bedpan!













Could someone tell me which country's flag this is?
I think it's only flying at half-mast. Is the country's leader aware that this woman stole their flag?








I guess you couldn't accuse this woman of wearing her heart on her sleeve but I think she can be charged with stealing her baby's mobile.














Fire! Fire!Somebody grab an extinguisher and put this woman's head out!














Proof that we have been invaded by alien life. They attach themselves to the heads of unsuspecting socialites.
















Does Mrs. Suess know that someone has stolen her husbands hat designs?










In one house we lived in we had a beautiful lilac tree. I wish we could have taken that tree everywhere we moved. I guess this lady had a beautiful lilac tree too and she figured out how she can always have it with her.









Lady, somebody threw a melon at your head - and it exploded! We know that you didn't really plan that melon because it doesn't even go with that dress.












I wonder what tv shows she gets with that sattelite dish?








First off, David Beckham looks gorgeous. That has nothing to do with hats, I just had to say that. But then, he's not wearing an ugly hat.

She's got that whole sliding down the face thing going. In this case it makes sense because if she wore it on the top of her head it would stab everyone in the eye.

By the way, does this woman ever smile? Does she have grinch teeth? Or no teeth? Or does have so much botox that her facial muscles can't move? Or maybe she is an alien wearing a mask that doesn't allow her to smile. Or maybe if she does smile her face will shatter. Or maybe she isn't happy with Beckham in which case she can send him my way. I do smile.


And now to leave on a happy note, two pictures of fabulous hats that should never be worn anywhere unless you are wearing the fabulous costumes that go with them.

Elections and Weddings

It's election time...again. I'm working the polls and I'm getting paid so it works fine for me, but it's costing Canada a fortune.

Our set up is quite different from the States even though we're both a democracy. To be honest, I think the states has a better system. There are three changes I would like to see to our democratic process, things that the States does.

1. Have an election every four years. The way it is now they have an election anytime they want to. It becomes a game, especially when there's a minority government (minority means that they have less seats than the combination of other governments). You can see the other parties gang up on the elected party. You can see the elected party doing things to force a vote in hopes of getting more seats. If they all knew that there was only a vote once every four years then they could spend more time actually working instead of playing the game "when shall we have another election."

2. Limit an individual from being the prime minister to two terms. Remember Trudeau? He was in power for like a hundred years. It was like having a king that wouldn't die. He's responsible for the metric system, French being on everything (even though English isn't), and Margaret.

3. Allow us to actually vote for our prime minister. Put his/her name on the ballot and let us put an x there. Right now the prime minister is determined by how many seats his/her party wins. I remember one year I wanted one guy from a party to represent me, but I didn't want his party leader to be prime minister. You can have a great representative be in the wrong party. So make it two separate votes. One for your local rep and one for the prime minister.

4. Yes I know I said three but I just thought of a fourth. Allow our representatives to represent us. When King Mulrooney was in power he kicked out people who didn't agree with him. There should be room for dissention and our reps should be able to vote according to how they think the people they represent want them to vote, not according to what the prime minister tells them.

So there we go.

By the way, did anyone watch the wedding? Yes, I did stay up. It's history in the making. The dress was beautiful and she was glowing. I remember the other wedding - yes I am that old. The dress was overwhelming and Diana didn't look very happy. As it turns out she wanted to run and she should have but then we wouldn't have had this wedding. Let's hope that William and Katherine's (could you get any more regal sounding names?) marriage is a long and happy one. Will seems like a much better man than his father and might actually take those vows he made today seriously - unlike his lying, cheating dad(can you tell that all my sympathy went to Di?), and Kate seems far better prepared than Diana.

Cross Stitch, Quilting, Knitting, Sewing, Craft, UFO Rotation = Procrastination

I am supposed to be studying for my Art History exam. Instead I'm blogging about something I did last week when I was supposed to be writing essays and my take home exams. Because that's what I do, anything except what I'm supposed to.

See my title. Designed to appeal to the masses. Some of you may ask "what the heck is that?" So for the uninformed let me explain.

Cross Stitch - a needleart that entails putting little x's on fabric to make a picture. You wouldn't think something so basic, so simple, would be so fascinating, but it's like painting with thread.

UFO - this has nothing to do with little green men, ET, being beamed up by Scottie, or a call for medication. It means Unfinished Object.

Rotation - a system for finishing UFO's.

So now we have that clear I have a confession to make. I have 15 of those cross stitch UFO's. What's more, some of them are older than some of my children, and my youngest is 11.

So after doing a google search I've designed a UFO that I think might work. And for those of you with your own stash of UFO's you can give this a try. No, this is not going to solve the world's problems, this is so I don't have to study.

1. Find all your UFO's and works in progress. This might mean looking under the bed, in closets, in your wheat barrels, in abandoned purses and under the kitchen sink.

2. Look them all over. Do you want to finish that cross stitch picture of an all black puppy for great aunt Mabel even though Great Aunt Mabel is gone now and your eyes go buggy with all those shades of black and you never were a dog person? Is that jacket with peacocks all over it and humongous shoulder pads still something you're going to want to wear when you do finish it? How many crocheted washcloths do you still need? Weed out the stuff you don't like anymore. Give it away, throw it away or take it apart and reuse the materials. It's okay. It's no longer worth your time. You are not a failure. Let it go. We all have projects we were initially excited about but grew to dread.

3. Make sure all your projects are in bags with the materials.

4. Make a list of all your projects. Try to organize your list according to what you want (or need) to finish first. If you have an extra big project you might want to put it near the bottom of your list. You'll see why in a minute. Try to vary your list so you don't have the same type of thing all in a row.

5. Here's where the rotation part comes in. The number one item on your list is your focus piece. Work 10 hours on your number one and then work 10 hours on your number 2 piece. Then go back and work another 10 hours on your number one piece, then work 10 hours on your number three piece. Do you see where I'm going on this? Work down your list in 10 hour increments alternating with your focus piece.

6. Eventually you will get the number 1 piece finished (because you are working on it more than on anything else). You might even get another piece on your list finished. That's great. When number one piece is finished then your number two piece is your focus piece and you continue through your rotation alternating with your new focus piece. If you happen to finish one of your other pieces you can then go back to your focus piece for 10 hours and then continue with your rotation.

7. Now here comes the fun part. Once you go through your rotation - you can start something new. What! I know, you're trying to get things finished, not start new things, but lets face it, the reason we have UFO's is because we're starters not finishers and if we can't look forward to starting something new we just might suddenly go crazy and start a whole whack of new things as a form of rebellion. Besides this is supposed to be enjoyable. I bet you have a huge stack of things you've been wanting to start. So, you get to start a new one - but only at the end of your rotation.

8. When you've rotated through everything and added a new project (if you wish), then start over again from the top.

You can see why I suggested that big projects be put at the end of your list. You need to have some finishes and you won't if you get bogged down at the beginning with a big piece. Eventually it will be your focus piece but you'll already have put in a lot of hours on it.

So that's what I did with precious time last week. And now I'm blogging about it when I could blog about all the answers for world peace, saving the planet, and answering the great unanswerable question "Why do people like Charlie Sheen get to make millions doing fun stuff and I (who has never yet served time in prison, an addiction facility, spent time with prostitute) don't?"

My New Baby is Acers

I had every intention of being good and blogging and writing.

My computer had other ideas.

First it moved slow. Like, lets read a book while I wait for things slow.

Then it crashed.

When I got it back after half of it had been amputated, it moved slow as in, let's get a sandwich, wash the dishes and sweep the floor while I wait slow.

I made sure I got all my valuable stuff, like my writing and my grandkids pictures onto my external hard drive.

Then it got slow like, lets watch an episode of Smallville while I eat that sandwich, do some laundry, run some errands, bake cookies, and organize my filing system while I wait slow.

Last year everyone popped up at school with those little netbooks that had all the same memory and capabilities of my 900 pound laptop. I wanted one. I craved one. Yes, I coveted one. But I couldn't justify getting one when I had a perfectly fine laptop.

I think a computer crash and a laptop so slow that I have to shave my legs in between wait times justifies getting a netbook. Especially since I'm a student and a supposed writer.

So now I have a little netbook. It doesn't require a bag the size of a microwave, it weighs less than the fillings in my teeth, it has all the capabilities and more that my laptop had at it's coming out party, and it's purple. Yes purple. The geniuses that created computers were like Ford who said that people could have any color car they wanted as long as it was black. Computer companies were like that too, although they went with grey and beige. But now we can have computers in all kinds of colors and some even come with designs.

I loved my laptop when I first got it. It promised mobility that I didn't have with my previous desktop, and I did take it places as long as I didn't have to carry it too far, and it was better and faster than my desk top, but computers don't have a long life and their tickers slow and down and stop working and by then new computers come along that offer so much more for half the price.

Yeah, the netbook is less than half the price that I paid for my laptop. Computer prices have dropped dramatically in the past three years.

By next year I'm sure my little netbook will be obsolete. But I'm happy now.

One change, I would make it so that I could rotate the programs on the screen so I could read it like an ebook sometimes.