The Lousy Book Cover Examination

I agonize over book covers.

I recently read a post from a writer that said that a writer needs to hire someone to design their book covers. That's all well and nice if you can afford to do it. In fact, if you can afford to do it I encourage you to do so.

But there are writers like me who simply can't, so we have to design our own. We take pictures, search for free images, download fonts, and play around with whatever programs we have on our computer, usually Microsoft Word or Open Office.

We do what we can with what we have. It does not mean that we don't care about our work. It means that we're poor.

So it's bound to happen that horror of horrors, there are bad book covers out there among the self-published.

It's also bound to happen that there's a website that posts those bad book covers.

And it's also bound to happen that the authors of those books get irate and scream copyright violation.

Which is stupid.

When you put out a book, you have to show the cover. The purpose of this is to encourage people to buy the book. You leave yourself open to bad reviews, and mocking. There is nothing you can do about this. In fact it might be argued that being on a website like Lousy Book Covers brings attention to your book, especially since the owner of the website links to your amazon account enabling people to buy the book. That is a good thing - even if your book cover is being mocked. It is certainly not a copyright violation to have someone post your book cover. You wouldn't complain if they gave you a rave review while they posted it, you can't then complain if it isn't the positive experience you want it to be.

I actually find the website Lousy Book Covers (note I linked to it twice) to be helpful. It's good to see the bad as well as the good. Now no one is saying these books themselves aren't good. There may be some gems there although some of the titles need help as well.

I am by no means a designer, but I liked looking at the covers and seeing what not to do. So I thought I would put up examples here and examine what went wrong. I am also linking to the amazon account so that you can buy the book if you so desire. I have no idea what the books are about and I'm not recommending them, but it's only fair that if I'm pointing out the book that there should be a link.

It was hard to choose, there were so many.

This is something like Finding Carmen Sandiego. Where's the title and the author? It's there, but you have to go on a search for it.

Okay this is from first grade where you cut out pictures from magazines and made a collage. Now there's nothing wrong with putting different images together, but it shouldn't look like a six year old did it. It actually looks a bit like a commercial for Good Year tires. I think it's Good Year tires. It's that tire guy who is made of tires. See they're really good for traveling in the Rockies in the winter.

Bad artwork. In fact it seems the majority of the bad book covers are done by the same three twelve year olds.

By the way, why is that guy feeling that girls breast? Even if that happens in the book (which I have no idea if it does) it's probably not a good idea to put it on the cover. And how come she has perfect posture while he's carrying her but she can't hold up her head? And is there a wind to make her hair blow that way?

Okay, so the actual cover isn't bad. The picture is pretty, the design is fine (hey that rhymes). It would make a nice cover for a Mother's Day book, or a poetry book, or inspirational quotes.

But this book is about an Al-Qaida bomber.

Yeah.

It kind of helps if the cover gives a hint of what's going on. Even if the cover is basic black and has no graphics that would be better than the mixed message here. Does the bomber write poetry about his mother?

Another 12 year old's art project.

From what I gather the cowboys and Indians who are flying the planes and sailing the ship are fighting over the frog having a nap on the surfboard.

And just to be sure we do know what book's genre is it's stated right on the cover. "An action-adventure, science-fiction, suspense, thriller, comedy, love story."

Which doesn't explain the frog. Seems to me that sunbathing surfing frogs who wear hats and carry canes belong in the fantasy/juvenile/fairy tale genre.

Is it possible that the frog is a cowboy frog or an Indian frog? In that case shouldn't it wear a cowboy hat, or a feather headband, or a Bollywood outfit (depending on what kind of Indian we're talking about here).

I am so confused.

It's obviously a cook book because they put food on the cover.

I always wanted a cook book that explained all about slicing tomatoes.

Doesn't this make you want to run out and buy it?

Every Christian needs a chainsaw.

I did not know that.

I had better hurry and get mine. I don't have one. I might be left out of heaven without it.

Who knew that the chainsaw massacre guy had it right all the time.

Now can we talk about the ugly colors.

Unlike the first example where you have to find the title, this author wants to be sure that you all know what the title of the book is. It's printed on the cover twice. And to make room for it, he had to squish up the pictures and make everyone misshapen. And to make sure it's all about witch hunts he repeated the phrase twice within the title. So that's four times the phrase "witch hunt" is used.

I guess this book is about a witch hunt.

I'm wondering if it's anything like my Witches Brew Ha-Ha, who are green witches with long noses.

What happened to his leg!

Did the dog bite it off?

Is it Texas' fault that this cowboy has no leg?

To be fair, the link will lead you to a cover that isn't quite so traumatizing.

So many fonts, so little time. I just can't decide which one I like best. I know! I'll try them all! And while I'm at it, I'll post the first chapter right on the cover!

I apologize for the lack of a link on this one. I think the author was so ashamed she went into hiding.

Can't say I blame her.

There's a gopher museum in Alberta where they dress up stuffed gophers and pose them in various positions. Weddings, funerals, golf tournaments, rock bands. This particular one is part of the southern belle series where Lincoln was president and living in a tree and slaves were tanned white male models.









I certainly hope my book covers are better.

Superpowers

My writer friend Jenn Quist wrote a post on super powers. It's wonderful and introspective and incredibly smart. You can find it HERE. Jenn is about to join the club of traditionally published authors. I have no idea what her book is about, but I have read her work and she is talented. Her post made me want to write something about super powers but mine won't be so smart. Not a science reference involved.

A few years ago I was playing a board game with Son One and Son Two. Of course the topic of super powers came up. I don't remember what they said although I think one of them put invisibility on their list. Frankly I don't see much use for it unless you want to sneak into a movie or listen to what other people say about you when you're not around. Although why you would want to do that I have no idea. Either you'll hear things you don't want to hear, or no one will say anything about you because you really aren't all that important.

Anyway, I said I wanted to fly - duh, who wouldn't other than people with height fears which is not my problem. And I said I wanted to time travel.

Son One said, "You can't have time travel because then you would go back to your teenage self and warn you not to marry that guy and then I wouldn't be as good looking as I am."

Yeah, as if his good looks only came from his dad and I wouldn't have been able to find another good looking man.

I've also decided since then that I want to be a shape shifter. Then I could be slim and gorgeous forever. Well, maybe not forever but for as long as I could shape shift. I have no interest in shifting into animal form, but if I could make myself magically lose weight, wrinkles and pimples, then why not? Other people can change their clothes and hair, I could change my entire body. I realize that's not a very feminist standpoint, and it would make it hard for my friends to recognize me - on the other hand it would make it easy to hide from my children - but I don't care if it's not politically correct. I'm not much for political correctness anyway; it shifts too much.

I would also like to be able to wiggle my nose and have things instantly done, like Samantha on Bewitched, which I realize many people no longer know who that is. She was a TV witch who could wiggle her nose and her house would be instantly clean but she was married to a control freak dictator who didn't want her to be all she could be and insisted that she clean house the regular way. I guess he just couldn't handle that there were some things she could do better than him, including his job. She was the one that came up with all the ad campaigns while he took the credit. Anyway, I wouldn't use a power like that all the time. I like doing some things, but cleaning is not one of them, so poof, my house would always be immaculate and I would have a beautiful garden because I love beautiful gardens but hate gardening and kill everything anyway. We would have some pretty amazing meals too.

So what would your super powers be?

*****

Update on Thimble Fingers. It's free at the moment but that free is about to run out any second. It's had over 2000 downloads and is in the top 200 of Free Kindle Downloads. It's number 7 in humor and number 8 in women's fiction. Which is pretty amazing since it's only been up for a few days, has only two reviews (both 5 star) and is from an unknown writer.

Now I realize those numbers probably won't mean much until it goes back to being something people pay for. And once it goes back to being for sale those rankings will drop off into oblivion. Then it will really matter if people want to buy the book. Still, I'm going to focus on the positive right now.

To get a copy go to Amazon. You don't have to have a kindle to download or read it. You can read it on your computer or another device - as long as it's not another ereader. And write a review. You don't have to use words and phrases like - "split my gut laughing", "so heartwarming it made me cry" "outstanding" "should be on the best sellers list" and "absolutely the funniest thing since the Gilmore Girls" but you are more than welcome to use any of those phrases if you get stuck.

Witches,Needlework, and Roses

I have two new books out on Kindle and one has already received a five star review!

The Orchards of Marina Colleen Book 1: Thimble Fingers

Yes, you did see a post earlier about me agonizing over the cover of this. I finally decided on this one. Amazing, no. But hopefully it will do the job.

This is the first in a series. There will be more Orchards of Marina Colleen books and I'm already working on book two which will focus on the owners of another store within the outdoor mall.

Yes, a mall people. For those who like shopping and even for those who don't, it's an outdoor mall with an ocean beach and a bunch of quirky characters that are quite likely to break out into a dramatic play. Although customers seldom can tell the difference between the planned plays and the real life dramas going on around them. And for you crafters out there, this particular shop is a needlework store. Some of you cross stitch die hards will recognize the names of real life designers. To read more about this book you can find it here. You can also pick up a copy there and post a review. By the way, this one already got five stars and no, I didn't give it to myself.

Witches Brew Ha-Ha*

This is the first in my witches series. It all began innocently enough. I belonged to an online prompt group. Every day a prompt would come through and we would each write something accordingly. It's amazing how differently writers can write about the same idea, words or pictures. The witches appeared in all their green skinned, long nosed glory and took over. Soon almost every prompt inspired another witches story and before long I had a book in front of me. A little rewriting and some reconstruction and there was their story that they demanded be told. I hope you enjoy it. You can read about it and get it here. Reviews are most welcome and greatly needed.

Now some other good news. The publishing rights to  Roses and Daisies, which was so kindly published by Millennial Press a few years ago, has reverted back to me. This means that it too will be coming out any day now on Kindle. Look for a new cover! Oh wait. Let me give you a sneak peek.

My thirteen year-old daughter helped me with this cover.**

I'm really grateful that I had the opportunity and experience to be traditionally published. Now it's time to go in a new direction. Not that I would pass up on another opportunity. I am always open to the possibility.

I feel so much more in control now that I have dived into self-publishing. My career isn't put on hold waiting for someone else. I can bring my writing to the public and now I hope that people will like my work.







*Witches Brew Ha-Ha cover picture courtesy of digitalart  www.freedigitalphotos.net
** Roses and Daisies cover photo courtesy of Clare Bloomfield  wwwfreedigitalphotos.net . Torn paper courtesy of bplanet wwwfreedigitalphotos.net

My Latest Books

So while I'm readying a novel for publication, I decided to publish two books, count them two, of my short stories and poetry.

The first in the series (not that it matters that it's first, you can read them in any order) is "Up in the Attic (The Tchochkie Collection)". 

What the heck is a Tchochkie? You might ask that. Even if you didn't I will explain. It's a Jewish (no I'm not Jewish, just borrowing) word for doodad, ornament, stuff you put on a shelf because you like it although it serves no purpose and everyone else wonders why you have it although you might have some admirers too.

So those are my stories and poems. Little tchochkies that I don't know what to do with but I can't throw away and I hope that someone else will like them too. Furthermore, it appears that I misspelled tchochkie. It is actually tchotchke. But I spelled it that way, because I want to.

The second in the series is "Down in the Basement". You might be noticing a theme here. But isn't that where we store our tchotchkes? Somewhere around the house?

I'm hoping that you will find enjoyment reading these books.

And coming soon will be a novel. "The Orchards of Marina Colleen Book 1: Thimble Fingers" .

I still have copies of "Roses and Daisies." These are paperback, professionally published and they are ten dollars each (autographed of course). To get a hold of me you can write me at amjunus@hotmail.com

To read more about Roses and Daisies go to this page.

Those Fictional Writers on TV

Someone on Facebook, sorry I can't remember who, posted about how TV shows aren't about writers because no one wants to watch them sit at a computer all day.

Actually there are quite a few shows where one of the main characters is a writer. But in most cases, you don't see them working as a writer. Even if they are wildly successful they have a day job which is frankly dumb. Most writers would be more than happy to kick the day job. Often giving a character the job of the writer is great for TV because it leaves them free to do stuff that they wouldn't have time to do if they had a real job. Plus since TV shows are written by writers it makes sense that they want to write about writers.

So following are some shows with writers and some drool worthy critique because when it comes to male writers, that's what's important.

Castle - Richard Castle is a multimillionaire murder mystery writer. He also solves murder crimes in his spare time through his connection to the city mayor and the police force. We never see him actually writing although his work is mentioned all the time because that's why he's working with the police force, and his muse is his partner. Occasionally we see him at book signings. He's rich, he's handsome, he's kind, he loves his mother (but is not a mama's boy), he loves his daughter, he is a big kid but still responsible, he's funny and he's totally drool worthy. I could storm his castle anytime. He would probably put up the drawbridge though because he can so easily get a prettier princess.

Criminal Minds - David Rossi is a successful true crime writer. He started his career as a criminal profiler, left to become a famous writer, and then feeling guilty for making money from making criminals famous, he's back to being a criminal profiler. One episode had him refusing to take his vacation. Most writers would happily take a vacation so they can write, but not Rossi, yet he still does write. Someone needs to profile him. For an older man, he is worthy of some drool.

Bones - Temperance Brennan is another multimillionaire writer. But in the daytime she plays with dead bodies. That's not creepy at all. However she did manage to snag a sexy vampire. Oh wait, he's not a vampire here. That was a different show. He's definitely drool worthy too.

Smallville - It took eight years for Clark Kent to find his career as a journalist. True, he was in high school for four years (and my goodness wasn't he a grown up looking fourteen year old). But when he did become a journalist (without going to journalism school) he took it seriously, that is when he wasn't rescuing everybody he knew from certain death and traveling between planets, and fighting off other worldly bad guys, and rescuing the Green Arrow from himself, and chasing Lana, and chasing Lois, and fending off every woman that noticed how drool worthy he was. Oliver Queen (the Green Arrow) was totally drool worthy too.

Lois and Clark - Clark Kent gets the job right away and spends four years chasing down the story, chasing down Lois and capturing those criminals while wearing spandex and a cape. Yes, he was drool worthy but far more drool worthy as Clark Kent than as Superman.

Ugly Betty - Betty Suarez worked at a fashion magazine as an assistant while she waited for her break as a magazine writer. She rarely ever wrote anything since her job was mostly getting coffee, rescuing her boss from his various forays into stupidity, competing with gay office guy, fending off the wicked witche's evil plans, and volleying fast balls from the receptionist.

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter - Paul Hennessey is a newspaper columnist. I've been a newspaper columnist. I've never been able to afford lunch from a column never mind raise three teenagers in a nice house. I guess they lived off of his wife's pay from being a nurse. Paul is always around to make his daughter's lives miserable. After all, that's what a father is for. He may not be totally drool worthy but he was nice.

Everybody Loves Raymond - Raymond Barone is a sports writer. Sometimes he goes off to work somewhere. Mostly he stands around and whines. He wouldn't have time to stand around and whine if he had a regular job. He is not drool worthy. Mainly because he never backs up his wife on anything and she has to do all the work. Did I mention he whines?

Sex and the City - Carrie Bradshaw is a columnist in New York writing about sex. Although her apartment isn't fabulous it is decent and she can afford to pay several hundred dollars for one pair of shoes, and she has like a thousand pairs of shoes. I have no idea how a columnist is able to afford to live in New York let alone buy collector shoes. Yes, I said collector, not designer because how often do you wear those shoes? She and her friends have sex with every man they meet and she writes about it. She also wears ugly clothes but they are all a fashion statement. She went to live in Paris with a boyfriend and left her laptop behind so she could take a scarf with her and then had a miserable time because she had nothing to do. Like a writer is actually going to do that.  Writer's go to Paris to write! She also got a fabulous book party when she got published. So being stupid wins. As for Mr. Big, the actor might be drool worthy to some people, but Mr. Big is not.

Just Shoot Me - Maya Gallo is a magazine journalist who can only get a job at Daddy's magazine. She fights against the fluff while carrying on with the bald photographer who frankly wasn't even interesting until he showed up on Flashpoint.

Murder She Wrote - Jessica Fletcher is a very successful cozy murder mystery writer. We get to see her write in the opening credits. Everywhere she goes a murder happens which she has to solve. She is walking death. You would think that people would run when they see her. It's easy for her to write mysteries because after she solves the mystery she goes home to write about it. No one yet has caught on that she's probably a serial killer who kills these people, frames someone else for it, and then makes a couple of million off the story. I bet David Rossi would figure her out.

Newhart - Dick Loudon writes how to books while running a New England inn with his wife Joanna. He should be writing strange but true books instead because he comes up against Larry, Darryl and Darryl. Turns out it was all fiction anyway and it was all a dream. He wasn't a how to book writer but a psychiatrist. It would make anyone crazy. Not drool worthy and you wonder how he even got his beautiful wives - oh yeah, he dreamed one up.

The Waltons - Johnboy Walton is the oldest of seven kids during the depression. The show opens with a voice over of his memories and closes with him at his desk in his room writing by hand (there weren't computers back then and the family is too poor for a typewriter). Johnboy does write and several episodes are about his writing adventures including starting his own newspaper. The only odd things in this heartwarming series is that Johnboy isn't the least bit embarrassed that his name is Johnboy.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show - Murray Slaughter is not a murder mystery or a crime writer in spite of his name. He's a news writer and we do get to see him write. In fact that's all you see him doing. His entire roll involved sitting at his typewriter and insulting Ted Baxter the newscaster and mooning over Mary. Not drool worthy but a nice guy to have around if you don't annoy him.

The Odd Couple - Oscar Madison was a sports writer who worked out of his apartment. He spent his time fending off his roommate Felix Unger from his desk and totally destroying his mojo. Oscar was a happy slob except when finicky Felix got in his way. Not drool worthy in the least, but that's not his fault. He was funny.

The Dick Van Dyke Show - Rob Petrie was the head writer for the Alan Brady show, a variety show on TV back when variety shows were popular and funny (how I miss those days). Rob actually went to work everyday and we saw him work with his other writers, Sally and Buddy. Some of the funniest bits from the show came out of the creativity in that office. Of course some of the funniest bits came from home life too and you could totally see what Laura (Oh Rob!!!) Petrie saw in him. Definitely drool worthy.

So that's what I came up with. If you can think of others, by all means add on.

More Choices

I've done some tweaking and I would like more opinions. Which book cover is the best. Keep in mind that maybe I need to do something completely different. There are no prizes. Just votes or comments. Or both.

Cover 1: The Original

Cover 2: Minus the ocean.  I tried the green color as well. Do you like this or the soft yellow?

 Cover 3. Same as above only with the soft yellow instead of green.

Cover 4. Divided into two parts instead of three. If the green is more popular I could use that color in place of the yellow.

So votes please. Which do you like best? Do you have other suggestions?

Need Opinions

In my last post Moving Forward in Spite of Rejection I talked about my decision to e-publish.

So here's my self-designed cover.

So what do you think? Does it intrigue you? Are there changes that need to be made? Should I scrap it and start again? What does this book cover say to you?

I would really love to have input.