Friday, September 30, 2011

Silly Love Song and I'm Not Talking About the Paul McCartney Hit

I've been listening to a lot of Michael Buble lately. I like Michael Buble and it's because of him that I've embraced the kind of music my mother grew up with and the kind that I was first introduced to but became to cool to care about.

However there is one song that has got to be the epitome of really bad love songs. It's an old song. A classic that unfortunately has made a come back due in part not just to Michael but American Idol and Glee as well. And in spite of love being the most popular subject of all kinds of music, this song is probably the only valentine song. Nope, hold it. I just thought of another valentine song which is actually a good one.

So what is that bad love song. My Funny Valentine written by the talented Rogers and Hart. It was most likely written as a joke song yet so many took it seriously.

Let's take a look at the lyrics.

My funny valentine (okay, so far okay. Funny is good. Funny is sexy.)
Sweet comic valentine (hmm. Is valentine turning into a joke)
You make me smile with my heart (that's sweet)
Your looks are laughable (okay now that's just insulting)
Unphotographable (ugly. Great. Valentine is ugly)
Yet you're my favorite work of art (normally that would be nice but now I'm thinking that Valentine is just a painting of a clown)

Is your figure less than Greek (the Greeks were known for being athletic with tons of abs and muscle. So sounds like Valentine is fat)
Is your mouth a little weak (receding chin)
When you open it to speak
Are you smart? (Questioning the intelligence of Valentine. Well if Valentine thinks being called ugly, fat and stupid is romantic then maybe Valentine isn't smart)

The first time I had heard this song I was watching the Captain and Tenille on their variety show. Toni Tenille is actually a good singer and she had a big hit with "Love Will Keep Us Together" a decent song written by the talented Neil Sedaka. She also had a hit with "Muskrat Love" a song about two rats in love. Why anyone would think that rats in love is romantic I have no idea but it was a huge hit. Which is why they gave her and her silent husband a variety show that called for her to sing "My Funny Valentine" to her two bulldogs who panted heavily during the song because bulldogs are bred to not be able to breathel. The bulldog inspired the phrase "so ugly it's cute" which makes it entirely appropriate although gaggy to sing My Funny Valentine to one.

Maybe I'm wrong but shouldn't you find your valentine beautiful no matter what they really look like? Doesn't love make us deaf, blind and stupid? Isn't it supposed to otherwise no relationship would ever last?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Because I Won and I Want to Win More

I won! I won! I won! Yep, I won a copy of One Wish.

CJ Hill is having another giveaway. This time it's two books. My Unfair Godmother by Janette Rallison and CJ's own debut novel Slayers which is out now.



I haven't quite figured out what the cover of Slayers is. It looks like some kind of shark to me.

For a more detailed look and a chance to enter go to An Author Incognito.

Congrats to C.J. on her first novel.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Because I Like to Win Stuff


C.J. Hill over at Author Incognito is giving away a free copy of Just One Wish by Janette Rallison.

She's also announced the debut of her first novel. Slayers will be out on September 27.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Mish Mash

Disney is re-releasing the Lion King in 3-D. Was this necessary? What now, all the past movies will be released in 3-D? It's not like 3-D is even new. It's been around since the 50's. Makes me wonder what other movies could be in 3-D. The Star Wars saga (if they add movable seats you really will feel like your in a star war) Indiana Jones (imagine having that stone rolling at you), Jaws (you will be afraid again of going in the water) and the Exorcist. Oh, please not the Exorcist. I don't want pea soup spit up on me.

*****

I stumbled across some cartoons that express my feelings about writing papers for college.



*****
Hello? Hello? Note to salespeople. If you don't answer me when I say Hello then I'm assuming that you're a stalker and will be forced to call the police and report a heavy breather. And it is not my fault when you finally answer my hello that I can't understand your heavy accent.

When I went looking for a picture I put into google telephone monster images. Most of the images that came up were of Lady Gaga.


*****






Speech that annoys me. The word is ASK not AXE. I don't know of any dialect where the word ask is legitimately turned to AXE. I don't care if it's Ebonics. I speak English.  If you want to ask me something that's fine. If you want to axe me then I'll have to run because that is just too dangerous for my taste.



And to those who say "and what not". They add this to speech when they're listing things or supposed to be listing things. Paper boats, a rocket and what not. What does that exactly mean? Is a whatknot a hairstyle? Is it an alien? As a toast master judge I had to sit through a 4H speech by a girl who was supposed to be talking about an aspect of training horses. There were what nots littered throughout her speech. Does a what not have to do with a horse?

*****

What to read a funny book written in 1917? Yes, they wrote funny books back then. This one actually reads like it was written today. Check out my review at Views from Hobbit Hole.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Review of The Key of Kilenya

For those of you who like light fantasy, read the review I wrote of:



Andrea was also kind enough to read the review and leave a comment. I'm surprised at the authors who know I'm reviewing their work who don't come and read the reviews and make a comment. When I had my book out I wanted to read whatever anyone said about it. Of course this isn't about authors who don't know I've reviewed them, but there are several who have known. So it's nice when an author takes time to acknowledge a review. It isn't just me. Many reviews from other bloggers on these virtual blog tours are not commented on by the authors. Andrea Pearson has taken time to say thank you to her reviewers and that is greatly appreciated.

I'm looking forward to reading more of her work.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Left to Write: The Information Dump


I'm sure you've all come across this. You're reading merrily away and then all of a sudden there's a whole bunch of background information told in a way that reads like a police report. The author has decided that you need to know absolutely everything about this character right now because there's no way that you'll be able to understand anything otherwise.

Even worse, sometimes this information is told to you in the middle of exciting action or intense dialogue. For some reason the author feels a need to take a break and let you in on why these two people are fighting or what led up to the action, or how come the hero is afraid of snakes or why the dog likes to turn around five times instead of three which is what normal dogs do. Whatever the reason, the author stops the action for no reason other than to fill in her audience.

Okay so your writing and you realize that maybe your reader needs to know something. There are ways to do this without doing the dreaded information dump.

First - Does the reader need to know that now? Can it wait for later? If there's action going on or an intense conversation the answer is yes it can wait for later. Do not interupt an exciting moment to reminisce. It's not the place. There are other moments in your novel for reminiscing. It's okay for your reader to wait for answers to questions they might have. It's good for your reader to have questions. It is not good for your reader to throw your book across the room in frustration.

Second - Is this information really important? Really? Does the entire background story of this character matter to this particular incident in his/her life? Does the fact that your character have a BA in French and has travelled the world matter right now when she's rushing her child to the hospital? Maybe it does. But if it doesn't just leave it in your personal files of character development. The info needed might come up later, but it might not. Just be careful that if it does come up later you're not pulling a rabbit out of a hat. You know "Oh, by the way, Sarah just happens to have a degree in French and it just happens to appear right at this particular moment when she's trapped in the lair of a half crazed mime in the middle of Paris." If this is a danger of happening then weave the information into the story somewhere else in a more natural way.

It is possible too that your reader never has to know why your hero hates snakes. Maybe the reader can just accept that about him and realize that there is a reason.

Third - Is there some other way to tell your reader this info. Maybe it can come up in dialogue. You have to be careful doing this. You don't want your characters telling other characters things they already should know. But maybe you can bring it up casually. Maybe Sarah mentions her ability to speak French to a new aquaintence, or maybe there's a place where she can naturally use this ability, like ordering coffee in a cafe in France or Quebec.

I'm also a fan of the flashback. Not everyone is, but I like them because it gives you an opportunity to show what happened instead of telling. Instead of your hero telling us how he met his wife, maybe you can turn back the clock and show what he remembers. It puts the reader right into the story and allows the author to give a more honest accounting - or not. It may allow the author to lie to us. Who knows. But it makes the telling more interesting.

You can also weave bits of information throughout your story. You don't have to explain everything at once. Little bits can come out at a time. Even within the same scene interupt the information with action or dialogue. Not exciting action and dialogue. Just normal actions and dialogue. Brushing teeth, driving a car, breakfast table conversation - "pass the milk" stuff.

Here's an exercise. Drag out one of your manuscripts and look it over. Is there a spot where there's an excess of information. Is there a better way of imparting it? Try several different ways of giving the information to your reader.

And now for a laugh. How not to impart information through dialogue.

"Susan, even though you're twenty-six and I'm twenty-seven when we were growing up in Regina Saskatchewan everyone thought that we were twins because you skipped a grade," Pamela frowned grumpily. "And now that we're both mothers and you have a two year old girl and I have a three year old boy, people still think we're twins because you colored your hair the same as me even though your skin doesn't look as good with deep brown hair as mine does."

"You're just jealous that I have longer legs than you and that I'm three inches taller and my dress size is two sizes smaller." Susan frowned deeper than Pamela. "And you're also jealous that I have a beautiful Cape Cod house while you're living in the trailer that our Grandmother Jessie from our Mother's side left to you when she died last November."

"Ah hah!" Pamela pointed at her younger sister. "You're jealous that our Grandmother Jessie left something to me. You've always been jealous of me. I bet it drove you crazy when Tom, your old boyfriend, married me instead of you."

Yeah, don't do that. Dialogue can be a great way to give out information, but try not to make your reader want to throw your book into the blender and hit puree.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Virtual Blog Tour

I've done another virtual blog tour review. For those who are not aware of what these are, it's a way for authors to go on tour while still in their pajamas and eating twinkies in front of their computer screens. They send out copies of their books to reviewers like me and wait in anticipation for the gushing raves they are fully expecting. The hope is that people will read these reviews and buy the book.

Now there is a risk involved. Although we're not supposed to gleefully annihalate the authors, neither are we expected to write such glowing reviews that readers will wonder if we fell into a toxi waste dump and became a superhero that blinds people with neon skin. It's about being positive and honest because no book is practically perfect in everyway.

As reviewers, we get paid in copies of the books. That's it. No other money or product changes hands. We also hope that someone will actually read our blogs.

So here's another virtual blog tour review.




*****

Aunt Madge is all riled up. She had a reader write to her asking about advice on those baby beauty contests. You can read that letter and her response here. Ask Aunt Madge and while your at it, don't foreget to read her other pieces of wisdom - her word not mine.