Wednesday, June 3, 2009

"I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up"

My friend Trisha came to church with us Sunday. At the end of church, when I dropped of my mother at her apartment building, Trisha got out of the van to change seats and consequently fell on the sidewalk while attempting to close the sliding door. How she did it I don't know. But she did, and then she couldn't get back up. She has a bad ankle and she's a little on the heavy side, which is not a judgement on my part because I am too. Okay, I'm a lot on the heavy side.

So I'm trying to get her back up, and then my 75 year old mother, who is also on the heavy side and has a walker, and has purple legs due to some condition, decides to help Trisha. Before I know it, Mom comes over without her walker and bends down to help pull Trisha up. I could see what would happen. I knew what was going to happen. I tried to stop it from happening, but before I could tell Mom to stop whatever she was doing, my mother fell down.

If we thought getting Trisha up was a problem, (she did get up) it was nothing compared to helping my mother off the ground. She was unhurt (except for banging her head) but she simply could not get her legs under her to get herself up even with help. And she was wearing a skirt.
"No, don't help me anymore," she said after several attempts, which I can't blame her for since I was useless.

We called 911.

Once I knew my mother was okay and it was only her dignity on the line, I could see the humor in the situation and the resulting domino effect.

“Tell them I've fallen and I can't get up,” my mother told Trisha who was on the phone with the dispatcher.

“She wants to know how far she's fallen,” Trisha said.

“She fell from standing to sitting,” I replied.

Three handsome paramedics, who looked like actors in a show about paramedics rather than real paramedics, came and immediately asked my mother if her head and neck were okay and if she had any injuries.

“I just need help getting up,” she insisted.

One cute paramedic asked Trisha and me what happened. When we explained the situation he couldn't help laughing.

“It's a good thing you didn't fall down too,” Trisha said to me. "Can you imagine all of us lying in the grass unable to get up?"

“I would have gotten myself up again,” I said wanting to maintain my dignity in front of these guys who like I said, looked like they belonged on a television show instead of in front of my mother's building.

They managed to get my mother on her feet easily because that's what big, strong, handsome paramedics do.

“Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?” I asked her.

“No, I can get there myself,” she insisted. “I'm independent.

“All right,” I nodded allowing her some shred of dignity.

You can bet those guys went back to the fire station and had a good laugh.

I swear I saw this episode on Emergency.

My nine-year old daughter having overheard my remark about being able to get myself up couldn't resist saying "Two grandma's, one who can get up and one who can't."

My life is a sitcom.

To enter a giveaway for a gift certificate and find out more about LDSWA go to Anne Bradshaws blog Not Entirely British.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Dream Scheme Part 2: Do the Math

Some of you few, very few, will recall that I wrote about the great Dream Scheme. You can read about it here. The Dream Scheme Part 1. Or you can just scroll down several posts and read the others on the way.

So for the Dream Scheme 2 we're going to do a little math. Stop groaning. I'll do the math, just follow along.

When you're approached with the great money making opportunity you will be told that it's simple, all you have to do is get five people to join and then help them get five, and so on and so on and so on. The concept being that you will make a percentage off of each of these people. It's so easy. After all it's only five people out of the hundreds that you know. Apparently you do know hundreds. The Dream Scheme people have statistics to show this. You just think about all the people you run into at church, work, your kid's school, clubs, places you volunteer, the shops you frequent, your old school friends, the doctor's office - anyone you have ever met and will meet. Surely you can find five people who will want to share in this great opportunity. Once you get them then you can help them with their five. It's so doable. Now lets doable the math.

Level 1 - Start with you. 1 person =1
Level 2 - Get 5 to join = 5 + you = 6
Level 3 - Those 5 people get 5 more each. 5x5=25 + 6 = 31
Level 4 - 25 people get 5 more each. 25x5=125 + 31 = 156
Level 5 - 125 people get 5 more each. 125X5=625 +156=781
Level 6 - 625 people get 5 more each. 625x5=3125 + 781=3906
Level 7 - 3125 people get 5 more each. 3125X5=15,625 + 3125 =18,750
Level 8 - 15,625 people get 5 more each. 15,625X5=78,125 + 18,750 = 96,875
Level 9 - 78,125 people get 5 more each. 78,125X5=390,625 +96,875 = 487,500
Level 10 - 390,625 people get 5 more each. 390,625X5=1,953,125 +487,500=2,440,625

Okay at level 10 we're at over 2 million people.
Level 11 has us at over a billion people.
By level 12 you've come to a number large than the population of the earth.

And what level do you actually start at? You know it's not number 1.

But you may say, no one is going to have those numbers.

Exactly. You can't get that many people to join. If you did, who would be left to do the actual work? Including making those products you're supposed to be selling.

So somewhere along the line someone is not making those numbers. They're failing. In fact pretty well everyone is failing, and they're being taken doing it because they have to invest in those products and tapes and everything else to stay in the business.

The only ones making money are the ones at the top. And it isn't you. And if it is, you're doing it by taking advantage of others. If you're seriously thinking of joining find out what level you're at in the great scheme and why is it that all those ahead of you haven't done the 5x5x5 thing because if they have, where are all those people?

Lori Copeland has been writing for around 30 years now and has almost a hundred books to her name. Go to Welcome to Morning Shade for a review of three of her books.

And for a contest to win the book Easterfield by Anna Jones Buttimore go to Not Entirely British.