Thursday, March 22, 2012

Forget About the Snakes, Worry About the Dead Bodies

Imagine this. You’re on a plane. You’ve paid for a first class ticket. (All right work with me here, we’re pretending). There’s no one sitting beside you. The stewardess has massaged your feet, filled your champagne flute, read you a bedtime story, kissed your forehead, tucked a blanket around you and turned off the light. (I’m assuming here since I’ve never actually been in first class).

When you wake up, you look over and realize that you’re next to A DEAD BODY!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Fun for Writers

Take a break from writing and take a look at this.

The Black Books: Writing a children's book.

"I feel sorry for people who grow up before this book."

Warning this next one has cigarette smoking.

The Rejection

"I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel..."

And now for something helpful. Yes, it's not all fun and games. Oh, hold it we're writers. We write because it's fun and when we're not writing we play computer solitaire and claim that we're writing in our heads. So I guess it is all fun and games.

Jordan McCollum
has a very nice website to help writers. She's also written some helpful PDF guides and she offers them for free. Yep FREE. These are writing books to help you on your journey. Go to Guides for the free downloads.

Happy creating worlds that don't exist about people who don't exist but are real to us.

Because I Want A Kindle

Monday, March 12, 2012

If a Five-Year-Old Ruled the World

"There are two people who rule the world," my five-year-old grand-daughter explained to her audience of me, her parents, two aunts and an uncle. "They are Jesus and me."

The ego on this child is not lacking.

However I found it an interesting proposition.  What would life be like if the world was run by a five-year-old?

People would be fed and everyone would get to have milk and cookies as well.
We would all have to share.
Animals would get cuddles. 
We would play tag and races.
We would spend time with each other.
There would be more artists, singers and actors.
Soldiers would carry toy guns or sticks and not real guns. So would police officers, because you can play at war but not actually kill each other. In fact there wouldn't be any real guns or bombs because they hurt people.
Everyone would have a nice place to live.
Stay-at-home mom's would be paid what they're worth.
So would teachers.
Bad people who hurt people and destroy or steal other people's stuff would have to go somewhere away from good people.
Tantrums would be allowed and then forgotten.
There would be more dress up and pajama days.
It wouldn't matter what you looked like. Everyone would be equal.

Hmmm. Maybe age doesn't equal wisdom.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Letter to Truckers

Dear Truckers,

Let me first thank you for all the work you do. I am aware that you work long hours and drive in dangerous conditions in order to bring supplies to people like me. I appreciate it. Really I do.

And I try and do my part to make sure that you do so safely. I do not travel immediately behind you. I maintain quite a bit of distance. When I pass you I try and do it in a way so that you can see me. When I have passed you I make sure I can clearly see you in my rear view mirror before moving in front of you. I may annoy cars behind me in order to maintain such safety, but that's their problem. I can't hear them swearing at me.

In return I ask some things.

Please do not pass me on narrow winding roads in the black of night. I know that you have places to go and things to do, but so do I and I would like to get there. Sure I may be going slower than you like, but that's because it's a NARROW WINDING ROAD IN THE BLACK OF NIGHT and 180 km an hour is simply not safe. Your actions could very well result in meeting up with someone coming from the opposite direction and if you're beside me when you do this or close in front of me the results might not be pretty.

When the rain is pouring down I tend to go slower than the posted speed limits. Why? Because if I go the speed limit I won't be driving, I'll be flying as my car hydroplanes along the road. My car is not built to fly and so the normal safety controls like brakes and steering are not in place. I know it's frustrating to follow a pokey little car when you want to travel 180 kmph but when you pass me you create hurricane conditions where water engulfs my car and I am completely blinded. If you still choose to create a tsunami for me then at least do it on a straight road with no other cars around so that I don't drive off a cliff while I'm blinded. Better still, if it's night time pull over and go to sleep. I may not have that option but I know you've got those trucks all pimped out with stereos and beds and lights. Oh and snow conditions aren't much safer for passing. You create a blizzard when you pass by. It's hard to see when everything has turned completely white.

As far as I know, and I could be wrong about this and if so I will apologize and take back my statement, yield signs are for everyone. Including truckers.

                                          They look something like this.

Or this.

                                           Or this.

However they look they tend to be a triangle with the pointy side down and more often than not actually have the word "YIELD" printed on it. This does not mean "speed up and force whomever's coming into the ditch". You actually have to slow down and maybe even stop if there is a car coming because believe it or not, just because you're bigger does not mean you have the right of way. I know it's inconvenient when you're traveling 180 and you're pulling a hundred thousand tons of stuff, but I have yet to see a sign that says "YIELD IF YOU WANT TO".

Before you pass the vehicle in front of you, please check and make sure that I'm not trying to pass you. Sure, I could stay behind you my entire trip and not see a thing in front of me, including important signs, but I prefer not to do that. I do not suddenly swing out from behind you. I start my pass well enough back that you should see me. I cannot help it if at some point I am in your blind side. It's inevitable that there is at least one. So you actually have to make sure there's no one in the passing lane before you pass. If I hit you, because you've suddenly swung out right in front of me, or you hit me, you probably won't feel it. I'm just a bug. But it might actually kill me and the children I have in my car. We will be on the side of the road in a grisly mess while you travel your merry little way.

Some highways go through the center of towns. You cannot travel highway speeds through the center of a town. In the movies when cars are zooming through towns people merely jump out of the way because everyone is an olympic athlete and can do so, and no one gets hurt because they have the body composition of Gumby, but in real life, a truck traveling at highways speeds could actually kill someone who is on a crosswalk with their groceries in one hand and their toddler's hand in the other. Did you know that pedestrians have the right of way in a crosswalk even if you are bigger and badder? It's far easier to stop if you go the posted speed and since there's so much more of you to stop you should actually go slower than the posted speed. In fact it would be nice if you could just avoid those small towns all together unless you are actually delivering to a store in town. There is usually a way around a town.

I think that's it. I appreciate your time.


Anna Maria Junus (who does not drive a truck)