Wednesday, February 25, 2009

That 25 Thing List

If you're on Facebook at all you've been asked by everybody to list 25 things about yourself that people might not know. I'm finally succumbing to that, so here it is.

1. Hah! Drawing a blank already. I wrote a humor column for several years about my life so I must have given everything away then. Let me think. My second toe is longer than my first toe - on both feet. They do match.

2. No one has ever broken up with me. I've done the breaking up. Yep, left littered hearts all over the place.

3. I haven't had a date since my divorce six years ago. I know, it's pathetic. I haven't met a single man in that time either. Where do they all go when they get divorced? Do they just drop off the face of the earth? Do they all buy sail boats and drift around the world? Do they go on adventures to the center of the earth? What happens to them? Isn't it pathetic that I actually admit to this?

4. I'm a convert to the LDS church. When I was 17 Elder Smith and Elder Smith came to my door and taught me about Joseph Smith. It's a good thing I knew about the Osmonds otherwise I would have thought everyone's last name was Smith.

5. I collect things. I still have my record collection from the seventies, my books from when I was a kid and my first watch from when I was five (it's a necklace watch from my godmother). I also have dolls, teapots, cross stitch supplies and lots of dust. I'm not especially attached to the dust, I'm just lazy and if I don't disturb it, it doesn't make me sneeze or itch. We seem to have a deal.

6. I'm very good at needlework. I've been paid to do it and have had my work on the front of a magazine and charts. The trouble is, cross stitch takes forever and pays almost nothing. I decided it wasn't worth it to do a project I hated just to make next to nothing. So cross stitch is a hobby. I do very elaborate pieces with beads and specialty stitches and specialty threads. I have about 20 projects started and several hundred waiting for me. I'm trying to figure out a way to take it all with me when I go.

7. I've been told by several people that I should become a professional actor. Trouble is, I don't know how, so right now I satisfy that need by being in local productions. My favorite role was playing The White Witch in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. My kids had lots of fun calling me a witch all the time.

8. Other families do soccer or hockey. We do theater. My kids are all in the current production we're working on now.

9. My favorite week of the year is performance week. We eat, live and breathe at the theater that week. People feed us, we perform and play. Why can't I get paid for this? I would be quite happy never having to cook or clean and instead focusing on being somebody else and getting applauded for it.

10. I keep thinking of giving up writing. I'm not making money at it and then everytime I do seriously consider giving it up, something happens that tells me that I shouldn't. Like selling a story to a major magazine, or getting into a Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul, or getting a book published. It's driving me nuts! It's like having a carrot dangled out at me that I get to touch now and then. I don't need to be J.K. Rowling or Stephenie Meyer, but being able to support my family using my talents would be nice.

11. I have an Office Administration Diploma. I'm not an Office Admin person. I hate the phone, I hate 9-5. And most Office Admin work is mind-numbing.

12. Yeah, I hate the phone. I don't know what that's all about. I have a cell phone which I keep forgetting to charge up. I cringe when the phone rings. I figure it can't be good.

13. I love playing pool. I found a friend who loves it too, so we go to lounges where they have coin operated tables and play. We both suck but neither of us cares. It's a cheap past time.

14. I am not an athlete. I have never been an athlete. When I was a teenager I looked like an athlete. Boy did I disappoint some gym teachers. "All right everybody, let's watch Anna and see how not to do it."

15. I hate gym teachers. They've got a mean streak.

16. I'm 46 and still have ALL my teeth, I don't wear glasses, and I'm not on any medication. It's a good thing I'm not on medication because I've noticed that the letters on pill bottles have gotten smaller.

17. When I was a kid I could sing. I was even picked along with four other girls to be a singing angel, the only ones who sang anything. Nobody wants to hear me sing now.

18. When all my kids get together it's like being in the middle of a sitcom. They're all hysterically funny and people that they bring just sit there with their mouths open, that is when they're not laughing. We should have our own show.

19. I've been parasailing, was almost thrown off a cliff by a horse in Mexico, took a pie in the face onstage, was given a dead deer on my kitchen table as payment for an antennae, took a ride in a six seater airplane, gave birth seven times without any drugs, had a tire explode while travelling sixty miles an hour down a highway in nowhere Montana, survived a 20 year marriage, been chased by squirrels, and travelled across Canada, up to the NWT and down to Utah in a 20 year old Chrysler Labaron. I'm learning to handle things.

20. I'd like to get married again but I don't think I want to live with a man. I would like to have side by side his and hers houses. That way we can sneak across at night and feel like we're doing something wrong.

21. My body has a high survival instinct and won't allow me to starve. If we were all on a deserted island with no food, everyone else would wither to nothing and I would look like I ate you all.

22. I had anorexic behaviors for thirty years, but I gained weight. I actually liked feeling hungry.

23. I have a severe rodent phobia. Most especially rats, but all their rat cousins too. My children have never been allowed to have a hamster, gerbil or even a guinea pig. Those things escape and then you find them in your shoe. I do not want to find a rat in my shoe. I'm convinced that's why squirrels chased me. If I ever get married he better not have a rodent phobia because both of us standing on chairs screaming won't help me.

24. I tell myself that if I don't find my knight here on earth, I'll get a real knight in the next life. You know, from the 1100's or something. Wouldn't that be cool to be with someone from anther time? But I understand they were short back then. I don't want him short.

25. There is a 120 pound woman inside of me screaming to get out. It's too bad it looks like I ate her.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Chain Letters and God Striking

The other day I received an email. You know those ones that get forwarded and forwarded from friends and no one knows where the original came from. Normally I read these and then just delete, but this one made me respond with a well thought out comment. So I decided to share this email and my reaction to it.

Subject: FW: All I ask...

All we can do is get the word out to everyone! The movie Corpus Christi is due to be released this June to August. I totally agree with the message below. Let's stand for what we believe in and stop the mockery of Jesus Christ our Savior. where do we stand as Christians? At the risk of a bit of inconvenience, I'm forwarding this to all I think would appreciate it too. Please help us prevent such offenses against our Lord. It will take you less than 2 minutes! If you are not interested, and do not have the 2 Minutes it will take to do this , please don't complain when God does not have time for you, because He is far busier than we are.

A disgusting film set to appear in America later this year depicts Jesus and his disciples as homosexuals! As a play, this has already been in theatres for a while. It's called Corpus Christi ' which means 'The Christ Body.' It's revolting mockery of our Lord. But we can make a difference. That's why I am sending this e-mail to you. If you do send this around, we will be able to prevent this film from showing in America and South Africa . Hey, it's worth a shot! Apparently, some regions in Europe have already banned the film. All we need is a lot of prayer and a lot of e-mails. Remember, Jesus said 'Deny Me on earth and I'll deny you before my Father'.

So here's my reaction to this email.

Although I find the subject matter reprehensible, I don't believe in dictating what other people think, create or watch. If these people wish to make this movie (and it's not new, the gay community has embraced the concept of Jesus being gay, and I believe they are the only ones who have embraced this idea), then it is within their rights to do so. Sure they're blaspheming God, but I think He can take care of that.

Those who seek control and power frequently do so by trying to control communications. My father was born in a country where information was closely controlled by the government, much like the Nazi's did with the radio and book burnings.

Imagine if someone decided that The Book of Mormon should be banned, or that movies made by LDS people should not be shown to the public because it doesn't fit in with their view of Christ. Or that the Bible should be burned because it doesn't fit in with secular vision of the world.

It is not up to us to decide what people can see. It is up to us to proclaim the truth. Attempts to ban a movie only makes us look like controlling religious fanatics and no one wants to hear the truth from a religious fanatic. The gospel is better spread by proclaiming the truth with peace, love and service, not by banning the lies.

Even in the War In Heaven, Heavenly Father allowed Lucifer to speak and then He allowed us to make our own choices.

So sure, some people will go to see this movie. That is their choice. What conclusions they come to from it is their choice too.

If you want to make something a success, the best thing to do is get it banned, because then people will want to go to it to see what the fuss is all about.

The other thing that bothers me about this email is the inference that if I don't get on the bandwagon calling for a ban on this movie that I'm not there for God and that I'm denying Him. Nothing is further than the truth. I just don't happen to agree with the overzealous viewpoint of this email. It's actually pretty presumptuous to claim to speak for God as the writer appears to be attempting to do and it's offensive to claim omnipotence as to tell me what my thoughts and actions mean.

Now after sending that email back to my friend I did a little research. Normally I do the research first, but this time I did it backwards because I had a knee-jerk reaction to this particular email.

There is no such movie, again another scam email.

So why am I even bothering posting?

Several reasons...
1. I needed a post subject.
2. As a reminder to please, please do some research before forwarding on these things. In fact, don't forward anything on. They're all scams and overwhelmingly stupid.
3. I wanted to state my opinions on banning anything.
4. My disgust at the manipulation in these emails suggesting (actually, outright accusing) that those who don't forward it along are bad.
5. I've never sent chain mail to 6000 of my best friends before, and I'm not going to start now and I'm still alive.

I really, really want to win Lemon Tart by Josi S. Kilpack. So I'm posting the link to Anne Bradshaw's post about it. Not Entirely British Contest. Although, by posting it, it means that all of you will run over there and enter the contest too, thereby making my chances just that much smaller. Oh well, I'm going to have something bad happen to me because of that stupid email anyway.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fix Those Template Problems and a Really Funny Blog

Every now and then I come across something I feel the need to let others know about.

I have always had blog template issues. Fortunately I've found a template for this blog that I love and have no intentions changing, however some of my other blogs haven't been as fortunate.

Aside from finding great blog templates which has been difficult, when one has been found often they don't work and they always require you to scrap your widgets, which requires rebuilding your blog. So changing the look of your blog isn't easy, especially if you've got lots of lists.

Well, because of some of you I've discovered a great site with free backgrounds, and because you use the templates at blogger, you don't lose your widgets each time you change the look of your blog. It makes those boring blogger templates into something else entirely. And they also have pages of helps to improve your template, such as turning a two column blog into a 3 column, a boon to those of us who are html illiterate.

By the way, I love 3 column blogs, so much easier to divide up the information you want to relate to people.

I was thinking of scrapping some of my blogs, but I loved the designs at this site so much that I was having too much fun updating them.

So where is this great place? It's called The Cutest Blog on the Block and it deserves it's name. For a peek at what they can do, take a look at a couple of blogs that I updated. Views From Hobbit Hole, Annamaniacs, This, That and That Other Thing, and 10 Minutes of Crazy. All were done with the Minima Template from Blogger, and none of them look like each other. And if I get tired of any of them, just a couple of clicks will update them without losing all those hard worked on widgets.

The hardest part is deciding which background from the Cutest Blog to go with. They have so many and are always bringing out new ones.

And now, I have to mention a blog that I love to read because she's so darn funny. I'd give her an award but I have nothing to give. So here's to Cindy Beck at Write Up My Cindy Beck. She deserves to be read.

I'm going to go cough up a lung now. Oh, did I mention that I pulled a muscle in my leg? Because it's just not enough to be sick, I have to be crippled as well. My children, none of whom are toddlers anymore, have decided to play "Mom's sick, let's destroy the house because she lost her voice and can't yell at us and doesn't have the energy to chase us down."

Hey, but I am blogging.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm Sick as in Hack! Hack!

I'm sick.

It's not serious. Just a cough that makes the flem rise in my throat so that I end up choking, unable to breathe and giving me visions of passing out gasping for air.

Has anyone ever died of flem suffocation?

When I'm sick I prefer to be like an old dog that curls up in a secret place and dies. I don't want anyone around me. I don't want to bother anyone. I don't want phone calls, or visits at the door to cheer me up, or someone plumping my pillows. Such visits would require me to clean my house and entertain, and I'm just not up to singing and dancing and doing my Margaret Hamilton impersonation quite yet.

My children who also have a cough are different.

"What do you want?" I snap at my 15 year old daughter who has come into my inner sanctum.

"I'm sick," she whines. She pulls the quilt she's wearing closer around her.

"So? What do you want me to do about it? You're thinking I have the superpower of healing?"

"I just want to hang out."

"But I'm sick too, and I don't want to hang out with anyone. Don't you have a sibling somewhere you can hang out with?"

Okay, I know. Bad Mom. When I'm sick I don't care. There is a reason why I didn't become a nurse. I can't stand sick people. They whine and expect you to take care of them and they don't get your death jokes.

"Mom, what's for dinner?" Someone asks.

"I don't know. I don't care. I'm sick. There's the fridge, there's the cupboard, there's the stove. Figure it out."

There's no one else around here that can drive. So I go out in the frigid temperatures taking kids to dance classes, church activities and seminary.

My fifteen year old just walked into my inner sanctum. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I'm writing about being sick. You want to hear it?" I begin reading to her. "I'm sick. Nothing serious. Just a cough that makes the flem rise..."

"Oh, gross! I'm not listening!" She makes a beeline for the door.

"But it's got you in it!" I call out to her.

"I don't care! It's gross!" she yells back and disappears.

I think I've found the secret to getting them to leave me alone when I'm sick.

Lots to read today. Are you a Twilighter? Or just thinking about reading the books? Or do you hate them but still like reviews. Read my review of New Moon.
As part of my abuse series I've written a post based on an article in Meridian Magazine. Read Church Leaders Urge Us To Stay Married. Now before you read it, just know that I have no problem with Church leaders urging us to stay married. I have a problem with the article written by this particular couple.
But then, I've never been afraid of a little controversy.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Biggest Loser is Not for Winners

I made the mistake three weeks ago of turning on the show "The Biggest Loser" on the day that I discovered I had lost 6 pounds after a week of dieting.

Now in the real world 6 pounds in one week is a major achievement, almost on par with winning an Oscar. But on "The Biggest Loser", 6 pounds is cause for an all out attack that includes being sent to a shark tank and the very real threat of being kicked off the show, sent home in shame, not as the biggest loser, but as a loser with a big L on your forehead. (Okay, I made up the shark tank thing, but the rest is true).

So how does the average dieter at home process this when they have successfully lost their 1-2 pounds that week (recommended by all dietitions) and are now sitting down in front of the tv with their low-fat cottage cheese and celery sticks.

Now admittedly, these people don't have such silly distractions as family and work to keep them from their weight loss. Their whole lives revolve around that gym where they exercise 30 hours a day until they puke and then exercise some more.

Yeah, that's the exercise plan I want. The one where you end up puking. Honestly, if I had to deal with morning sickness, six of my children wouldn't exist. But let's all get on that band wagon of making yourself sick. I guess that accounts for some of the weight loss.

And lets not forget the professional trainers that gleefully work people so hard that ex-marines break down sobbing. And that was the nice trainer who gloated over that accomplishment.

One guy dropped 18 pounds in one week and he didn't even deliver a baby. I can see what his body is saying "Where the heck is our arm? Don't we have an arm around here somewhere? Quick hang onto every pound because we're losing parts!"

I keep wondering when these people will snap, grab their trainers and serve them on banquet tables with apples in their mouths. Of course this is after the torture process where they pelt them with doughnuts and peanut brittle screaming "this is for the time you made me run up that mountain while I was having a heart attack," and "that's for the time you bridled me and tried to ride me like a horse while holding a twinkie in front of my nose."

Far better to watch "Ruby" the real life story of a severly obese Southern Belle who still lives in the real world as she tries to lose weight. She has friends both male and female who adore her. She's heroic and honest about her journey and most of all it's realistic. Nobody is making her puke and she's able to maintain her dignity.

Anne Bradshaw is having another contest. This time it's for the CD by Sara Lyn Baril. Click on Not Entirely British and have a look see.