Monday, May 27, 2013

Crochet Bombs

When I was five I learned how to knit. I didn't make anything, just a lot of holes, but I learned the basics enough so that when I was 18 I was able to pick up a set of needles and start making and redisigning sweaters.

When I had five year olds I couldn't figure out how my mother taught me how to knit. These people that I had, although intelligent, couldn't do anything with a set of knitting needles except poke people's eyes out or make holes in the couch.

I taught myself to crochet as well. I was quite happy with these skills until a three year old got a hold of an intricately cabled sweater that I was working on and cut holes in it. I put the knitting/crocheting away and discovered that I really loved needlework.

All those beautiful pictures that I could paint with threads! I was in heaven, especially since my artistic ability stopped in the first grade. But I could make the most detailed works of art just following little blocks of color. I even did a little designing.

Lately I have returned to yarn. Perhaps my desire for homemade sweaters have returned. The patterns are more beautiful than ever.

Now crafters are known for going a little crazy. I think most crafters have an excess gene. The one that makes us collect more patterns than we can possibly make, and more fabric than we can sew and more yarn than we can knit.  And it appears that some crocheters just don't know when to stop crocheting. Personally I'm happy making sweaters and an occasional afghan, but some crocheters just have way too much time on their hands.

Need proof?

 Take a look at transporation. A new paint job just ain't enough.

Now, if you saw this coming at you, would it scare you?

On the other hand. This might be clever. Get your enemy rolling on the ground laughing and you can pick them off.
 Remember the Partridge Family? Except Shirley didn't make the kids crochet the bus cover, she just had them paint the bus, otherwise they wouldn't have had time to rehearse.
I always think these cars look silly in the first place. Usually you see a big guy squeezed into them looking like something out of a cartoon. I've always thought in a car accident they would just be squished like a bug.

This car is just asking for it.
 Not only did someone crochet a car cover using the pepto bismal yarn they had that no one wanted for sweater, but they also created covers for the friends that laughed at her.

I'm telling you, there's dead bodies there, cleverly disguised as art.
Take this to school and the kids aren't going to laugh at you at all.

And they won't throw things at you either.

And you won't be labeled as the wierd outcast.


Yeah. Really, No, I mean really. It won't happen.

Filet Crochet

It has nothing to do with how you cut up a fish.

Okay, this is gorgeous.

But really, wouldn't it have been better to spend the time actually practicing the piano?
This is beautiful too.

But it won't stay that way when you have kids with sticky hands and cars that drive by spraying mud.

Yarn Grows on Trees

 Trees are apparently judging from all the pictures out there, the most popular thing to clothe.

I guess some crocheters are offended by naked trees.
I remember socks that looked like this in the seventies.

Do trees really get that cold?

When I think of all the babies and the homeless these blankets could cover.

There's actually some pretty cool crocheting going on here, but...but...


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Apple Crumbles and the Bird

A couple of weeks ago there was the news flying around Facebook about Abercrombie and Fitches owner, or manager or whoever claiming that he only cares about the "cool" kids and that's the only people he wants in his stores and that's why they only make clothes in size two.

Which made a whole lot of people mighty upset. How dare ugly guy (and may I say that although I myself do not find the man physically attractive, it's not nice to say that someone is ugly because everybody's beautiful in their own way - although this guy is an exception to say it about because dog gone it, he invited it) where was I? Oh yeah, people were more than a little perturbed.  How dare he make unfair judgements on people, they shouted,  and "I will never shop in his store again".

One guy even had a brilliant idea about this. He wants to gather everybody's Abercrombie and Fitch clothes and give them to the homeless so that the only people wearing those clothes will be the very people that A and F don't want wearing them.

It is pretty funny. And it clothes the homeless.

Which in itself is pretty funny in another way because every ad I've seen of A and F involves naked models who perhaps can't afford any clothes otherwise they would be wearing them. For a long time I thought A and F were selling sexual aids, not clothes. Where were the clothes?

Personally, I've never shopped at their stores. I don't think we have them in Canada. I know we don't have them in my town. So it's not problem for me to not shop at a place that doesn't have any clothes. Hans Christian Anderson wrote a story about an Emperor who walked around naked convinced that he was wearing clothes. I think A and F do the same thing as the fake tailors did to the emperor.

And frankly, the only difference between this guy and the other stores out there, is that he admits who his focus audience is. Every store caters to a certain clientele. There's some stores that you have to knock on the door, give a password and promise your first born timeshare to get in. Other stores sell to women who want to look like hookers or to men who want to be mistaken for deer hunters even if they've never held a gun. There are shops that focus in on the bigger clientele and some that only sell shoes and purses that require a mortgage.

So if A and F want to focus in on providing invisible clothes to nude size two models, then by all means do so.

The sad thing isn't the size they're focusing on. It's that this guy somehow has the concept that what you wear determines your coolness factor.

Which means that he was never cool and is still desperately searching for cool.

Here's the secret to cool. The really cool kids, don't care about being cool. The last person they're going to listen to is a cool wannabe grownup telling them what they should wear. The cool kid figures out what his/her style is and doesn't feel the need to follow others. The cool kid is usually too busy to worry that much about what is cool. They're getting good grades, or creating art, or being outstanding athletes, or doing community service or helping a friend. They're confident and kind. They don't feel the need to be exclusive like the A and F guy.

It would appear that the A and F guy has shot himself in the rear - which is pretty difficult to do and why would you because it doesn't kill you, it just makes it difficult to sit - because no one who is cool is going to want to be seen in his store after this. Those that will be in his store will be seen as desperate wannabe's, which is so not cool.

So what this guy said, doesn't bother me in the least. It's sad really because he just doesn't get it yet. A and F, if you want to focus in on a small group of people who won't shop in your stores now, then go for it.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Descendant Review is on the Horizon

I firmly believe in helping and supporting other writers. I hope they do the same for me.

Next week I will be reviewing Descendant by Nichole Giles on my Views From Hobbit Hole book review blog. Yes, I was asked to review it - or I volunteered, depending on how you look at it, but I'm always honest in my reviews which authors don't always appreciate, because it's their baby and how can they sell books and become millionaires when someone is finding things wrong with the book.

At this point I haven't read Descendant so I have no idea what kind of review I'm going to write. I really, really, really want to write a good one, because that's just the kind of person I am.

And I'm doing an interview as well. So hang in there, it's coming!

In the meantime you can read this about it.

About DESCENDANT: Seventeen-year-old Abigail Johnson is Gifted.

Blessed-or cursed-with Sight and Healing, Abby lives an unsettled life, moving from place to place and staying one step ahead of the darkness that hunts her. When she arrives in Jackson, Wyoming, she is desperate to maintain the illusion of normalcy, but she is plagued with visions of past lives mixed with frightening glimpses of her future. Then she meets Kye, a mysterious boy who seems so achingly familiar that Abby is drawn to him like he's a missing piece of her own soul.

Before Abby can discover the reason for her feelings toward Kye, the darkness catches up to her and she is forced to flee again. But this time she's not just running. She is fighting back with Kye at her side, and it's not only Abby's life at stake.

Buy Links:

Praise for DESCENDANT: "A hot new spin on paranormal, Descendant is refreshingly imaginative and powerful. I can't decide which was best -- piecing together Abby's sinister past or keeping up with her heartbreaking future. If you like your YA laced with melt-my-heart romance and a good helping of heart-pounding suspense, you'll love this book!" -- Michelle Davidson Argyle, author of The Breakaway

"Nichole Giles has crafted a story that breathes from the pages. Her characters are authentic, the action intense, with powerful emotions that will keep Descendant on your mind long after the book ends. Open your eyes to another facet of our world in Descendant and you'll be sucked into an adventure with Abby and Kye, that will explore the power of gifts, courage, and love. With top-notch writing, Giles has crafted a story that breathes from the pages." --Rachelle J. Christensen, award-winning author of Wrong Number and Caller ID

"Nichole Giles brings a fresh new voice and flawless writing technique to the world of Young Adult fiction. I was swept away to another place and never wanted to come back." --Tristi Pinkston, author of Turning Pages and the Secret Sisters mystery series

"This debut novel delivers in all the right ways, with heart-pounding action and a delicious romance that sweeps centuries. I loved it!" --Elana Johnson, author of Possession and Surrender

About Nichole Giles: Nichole Giles was born in Nevada, and moved with her parents to a number of cities in and around the West. Writing is her passion, but she also loves to spend time with her husband and four children, travel to tropical and exotic destinations, drive in the rain with the convertible top down, and play music at full volume so she can sing along.