Monday, May 27, 2013

Crochet Bombs

When I was five I learned how to knit. I didn't make anything, just a lot of holes, but I learned the basics enough so that when I was 18 I was able to pick up a set of needles and start making and redisigning sweaters.

When I had five year olds I couldn't figure out how my mother taught me how to knit. These people that I had, although intelligent, couldn't do anything with a set of knitting needles except poke people's eyes out or make holes in the couch.

I taught myself to crochet as well. I was quite happy with these skills until a three year old got a hold of an intricately cabled sweater that I was working on and cut holes in it. I put the knitting/crocheting away and discovered that I really loved needlework.

All those beautiful pictures that I could paint with threads! I was in heaven, especially since my artistic ability stopped in the first grade. But I could make the most detailed works of art just following little blocks of color. I even did a little designing.

Lately I have returned to yarn. Perhaps my desire for homemade sweaters have returned. The patterns are more beautiful than ever.

Now crafters are known for going a little crazy. I think most crafters have an excess gene. The one that makes us collect more patterns than we can possibly make, and more fabric than we can sew and more yarn than we can knit.  And it appears that some crocheters just don't know when to stop crocheting. Personally I'm happy making sweaters and an occasional afghan, but some crocheters just have way too much time on their hands.

Need proof?

 Take a look at transporation. A new paint job just ain't enough.

Now, if you saw this coming at you, would it scare you?

On the other hand. This might be clever. Get your enemy rolling on the ground laughing and you can pick them off.
 Remember the Partridge Family? Except Shirley didn't make the kids crochet the bus cover, she just had them paint the bus, otherwise they wouldn't have had time to rehearse.
I always think these cars look silly in the first place. Usually you see a big guy squeezed into them looking like something out of a cartoon. I've always thought in a car accident they would just be squished like a bug.

This car is just asking for it.
 Not only did someone crochet a car cover using the pepto bismal yarn they had that no one wanted for sweater, but they also created covers for the friends that laughed at her.

I'm telling you, there's dead bodies there, cleverly disguised as art.
Take this to school and the kids aren't going to laugh at you at all.

And they won't throw things at you either.

And you won't be labeled as the wierd outcast.


Yeah. Really, No, I mean really. It won't happen.

Filet Crochet

It has nothing to do with how you cut up a fish.

Okay, this is gorgeous.

But really, wouldn't it have been better to spend the time actually practicing the piano?
This is beautiful too.

But it won't stay that way when you have kids with sticky hands and cars that drive by spraying mud.

Yarn Grows on Trees

 Trees are apparently judging from all the pictures out there, the most popular thing to clothe.

I guess some crocheters are offended by naked trees.
I remember socks that looked like this in the seventies.

Do trees really get that cold?

When I think of all the babies and the homeless these blankets could cover.

There's actually some pretty cool crocheting going on here, but...but...