Weird Shoes - The New Version of Torture Chambers

I've never been a shoe girl. I prefer barefoot or sneakers. However I did find a pair of shoes for my daughter that has left me foaming at the mouth. I can't wear high heels anymore - another reason to lose weight. They're the prettiest high heeled black shoes I've ever seen. As soon as this weight comes off those shoes are mine.

Remember Cinderella and her shoes? How she danced in glass slippers I'll never know. It's probably why her fairy godmother told her to come home at midnight. Any longer and she would have permanently damaged her feet.

So in honor of shoes I bring you these little gems.

This is from the Hannibal Lector line. Anybody up for liver and Chianti?

Barefoot or high heels? Barefoot or high heels?

I just can't make up my mind.

I Know! I'll go with up on my tippy toes high heels and pretend that I'm a ballerina.

So the question now is....

Do I go sensible Oxford schoolteacher/librarian? Or red patent leather Mary Jane schoolgirl? Or gladiator slave master?

Or maybe just a simple platform tippytoe pump.

And here's a couple of choices for the vegan crowd. Notice, no animals suffered for these although with the second one, I'm sure a couple of fairies lost their homes.

However it does look like a porcupine died for this one.

And a couple of fish died for these flip flops.

I hate rats. With a passion. And I'm all for killing off every rat in existence. (I think they're Satan's animal. But do we really need to wear them on our feet? Sigh, but I guess when we kill we're supposed to use every part of the carcass.

And here in Canada it's rude to keep your shoes on when you enter someones home.

Diet Doesn't Mean Die

I am officially on a diet. Yes, I know that's die with a t. And I know that diet is considered a bad word and diets don't work and...

Yet, I'm on a diet, and I'm enjoying it.

Oh, quit twirling your forefinger around your ear and shaking your head. Yes, I said it. I'm enjoying my diet.

I spent years starving myself to fat, yes starving. It's a long story which I'll tell some other time, but it involves having a body that has a very high survival instinct, so that if we were all stranded on an island together and there was no food, I would grow fatter and you would all wither up and die off and I wouldn't even have to resort to cannabalism. I've tried to eat properly and never quite figured it out because if I had I'd be thin and gorgeous the way Inner Anna constantly claims I am.

I'm finally following a program that tells me exactly what to do and what to eat because, darn it, I need someone to do that and since I can't hire a personal chef and trainer, and Oprah won't come to my house in spite of repeated emails, this will have to do.

And I'm enjoying it.

The Curves diet works in phases and I'm in phase one right now. Fourteen hundred calories and the food is good. It's real food. No pre-packaged stuff. No excess chemicals. And next week I get more calories per day for the next three weeks, and then more calories for a month because it's all about raising your metabolism.

See, I left my metabolism somewhere between the Rockies and the deep blue sea and I've been searching for it ever since. I WANT IT BACK!

Things I like about my diet:

1. The food tastes good.
2. I'm pleasantly surprised by how big some of the servings are.
3. I love the control I feel I have.
4. I'm trying new foods and new combinations.
5. I can label foods "Mom" and have a good chance that no one else will eat it.
6.It's not special food so I can eat it for the rest of my life and I don't have to sell any of my children to be on it.
7. I have support whenever I go to the gym. They always ask how I'm doing. There are other women who are doing the same thing. And the Curves staff keeps track of my numbers. Plus it doesn't cost me anything extra, just my fees for the Curves gym.

Things I don't like about my diet:

1. No pizza
2. No chocolate - hold it, there is a chocolate protein shake. So I do get chocolate. Okay, no chocolate bars.
3. Sometimes I'm disappointed by the serving size.
4. Raisin bread calls out to me. So does hot buttered toast. Simple stupid things like that.
5. I have to cook.
6. If someone dares touch my food then I have major freak outs. As in "I can't eat all the stuff you can so when you eat my food you're telling me that you want me to starve to death!"
7. I don't know what to eat when I go to Boston Pizza with my friends.
8. I'm obsessing about food. I've never been a foodie (hence the starvation technique) and I don't like to think about food, but now I'm thinking about it all the time.

And so here it goes. There are a myriad of reasons for me to lose weight. Now if I can just convince my body to let it go.

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Read my review of "My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life by Julie Wright

More from Aunt Madge

"See, they do ask for me. And you didn't think I had fans."

"One person asked for you. It doesn't mean you have fans. Plural."

"You're just jealous."

"Whatever."

"Admit it Anna, you're jealous."

"I'm letting you use my blog to advertise your blog. How jealous can that be?"

"Because sweetie, you know that by advertising my blog you're getting people to come to yours."

"Aunt Madge, do you see this teenage thing I'm doing with my eyes? I'm rolling them."

"And it's very unattractive. Maybe you should write to me for advice about that bad habit of yours and your jealousy issues. See, there, you're doing it again."

"All right, if there's anybody still reading this, go visit Aunt Madge at askauntmadge.blogspot.com so that she can stop driving me crazy for awhile."

"You know if you keep rolling your eyes that way they might get stuck in the back of your head and you would spend your life looking at your brain."

Contest and Why Can't I Sleep at Night

I like contests. I rarely if ever win, but I keep trying.

Anne Bradshaw currently has a contest going on her website. Just click on the link to find out about it. It involves a book and financial freedom.

Sigh, I guess I have to have some kind of finances to have freedom.

Still battling some depression, tiredness and writer's block. The other night I was really good and got to bed by midnight. I read for awhile and started dozing off so I turned out the light.

And then I was awake all night long.

Why can I doze off with a book and the light on but not when the light is off? And don't tell me to go back to reading, I did, but after a couple of hours I had to get up and move around.

So it was six in the morning before I got to sleep. And can I be productive during the awake hours? Nope, because I'm too tired to write, and there is that writer's block thing.

I'm yawning now and it's 3 in the afternoon. Almost time for the kids to get home and do the runaround between dance, church activities, dinner and whatever.

And now I'm rambling, all so I could put out a post for the contest.

Marley and Me Review

I've posted a review of Marley and Me. I was pleasantly surprised by it.

And to all those out there looking for reviews of books, I would be happy to review yours although I warn you I'll tell you what I really think, not just what you want me to think. I think that's why I wasn't asked for anymore reviews.

But then if your book really is wonderful, there's nothing to worry about.

Goals, Not Resolutions

Resolutions are made to be broken. We all know this. The minute you mess up you give up. As in "I'm not eating sugar anymore" and then you do on the second or third day of January, so you just give up and eat any and every kind of sugar for the next 363 days until the next January 1st when you try again.

I prefer to set goals. Goals don't really care if you mess up a little. It just means that you forgive yourself and get back on track. So you ate that entire bag of chocolate chip cookies, it doesn't mean you get to eat a bag of chocolate chip cookies every day until next January. Goals are something that doesn't go away just because you stumble. And goals aren't set in stone. They can be revised according to what works. Goals are also the big thing you strive for but then you make little goals to help you along the way.

It turns out that I've been making the same two goals every year. I just haven't accomplished them.

I was going to post them but I decided my goal list was too personal for human consumption.

So instead I'll just mention that I'll be working on my health, my finances, and my writing.

Interestingly, six of my seven children will be reaching age milestones this year. 25, 21, 18, 16, 12 and 10. Only my 24 year old will not be having a significant birthday.

Other things to look forward to this year - My eldest son is getting married in March, in the Seattle Temple. Although I haven't met my new daughter, I have only heard good things about her and she seemed just right for him by my conversation on the phone. So, he's picked a great girl and he's marrying her in the temple. Isn't that what we as parents strive for?

I'm in a play this year. I'm playing a male marionette. Not only do I have to learn to move like a puppet, I have to do it as a man. Talk about a challange. I just watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with my youngest daughter and I pointed out Dick Van Dykes performance as a puppet while he's planning a castle escape, to my daughter. "That's how we're going to have to learn to move," I told her. Dick Van Dyke is brilliant with his body.

So there we go, two things to look forward to.

I've been having a tough time and feeling pretty down lately. I'm nowhere where I expected to be at this time in my life and certainly not since my divorce. It's disheartening but I rarely give into pity parties.

So I'm hoping 2009 will be better, different and offer something life changing.