Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Things I Learned From Republicans

I am neither Republican or Democrat. I'm Canadian, and therefore don't vote in the coming American election. And I'm grateful for that. However it doesn't mean I can't see what's going on especially when so many Americans are posting on Facebook. Interestingly, it's the Republicans that post the most often, so I thought I would post what I'm seeing Republicans saying. Bear in mind none of this is what I'm saying. I'm just saying what I think they are saying and I'm sure there are Republicans who are not saying these things.  And no, I'm not attacking Mitt Romney. Part of me is supportive of having a Mormon president. It's unlikely there will be Lewinskygate problems.

Note - This is all pretty haphazard.

1. I love America, therefore, I'm a Republican. Democrats hate America.

2. I believe in the democratic process of voting for our president. That's what makes America great. I believe it's our responsibility to support our president - unless he's a Democrat.

3. Everything that is wrong with America is Obama's fault. That stuff that Bush did before Obama was president - that's Obama's fault too.

4. Every American does not have the right to shelter, food or health care. However every American has the right to own and wield a gun.

5. I want more jobs for Americans. Unless I have to pay for them with my taxes.

6. All poor people are lazy and drug addicted.

7. Anyone can get a job whenever they want one. They just have to use Jedi mind control to make people give them one. It's worked for me. If you don't have a job you're either lazy or you haven't learned how to use Jedi mind control.

8. I did everything all by myself. No one ever helped me. I taught myself everything I know. I financed my own house - no borrowing for me. I put myself through school. No student loans or parents help or teachers to teach me. No one ever gave me a job. I walked into a business and took that job (Jedi mind control), when I started my business I used Jedi mind control to make people buy my service/merchandise. Everything I've ever done has been completely done by me. I even changed my own diapers.

9. Everything I have ever earned is mine. All mine. I can't save up for my yacht if I have to provide you with food. Go get a job or five.

10. I don't hate women. I just think that if a woman is in an abusive relationship she should stay there and not make me have to pay for it. Besides, she probably deserves it anyway. And women should just shut up about birth control. If you don't want babies, don't have sex. If you're married, then have the baby. But don't leave your husband ever because I don't want to pay for your kid. Women are all sluts and prostitutes anyway. Even the married ones.

11. Abortion is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. There is no reason for abortion ever. But I don't want to pay for illegitimate children either.

12. There is a difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape. To be legitimately raped you better be pretty well dead, and it all depends on what you're wearing and what your background is. If you get pregnant that's proof that you weren't raped.

13. No morning after pill! Even if you're legitimately raped. But I'm not paying for your kid. Which you wouldn't have to worry about if you're legitimately raped because you wouldn't get pregnant.

14. I don't care if kids are homeless and hungry. That's their parents responsibilty. As long as my kids are taken care of then I'm good.

15. I believe in Jesus and all his teachings. I just don't believe in helping the poor. They got there all by themselves. Besides if they were following Jesus they wouldn't be poor.

16. If you can pay for health care then you deserve to have it. If you can't then tough. That's your problem. If you're going to die then do it and decrease the surplus population. And yes that goes for children too. Poor children are just going to be lazy drug addicted adults.

17. Of course I don't want to see the homeless on the streets or beggars either. I don't care where they go, I just don't want to see them.

18. Osama, Obama, same thing.

19. Obama isn't an American citizen. He was born in Hawaii.

20. I am not a bigot. Just because I call Obama a black Muslim baxtxxd doesn't make me a bigot.

21. If you're in trouble then go to your family for help. It's not my fault if you don't have family that can help.

22. I don't want to hear about other people's hardships. I've had plenty of my own. I had a paper cut this morning but you don't see me whining about it.

23. No more taxes. I can educate my own children, build my own roads, put out my own fires, and I don't need law enforcement. I've got a gun.

24. I am sick of poor people feeling entitled to food and shelter. The people that are entitled are rich people. They deserve every penny their parents earned.

25. We need more jobs because there aren't enough jobs to go around. But if you don't have a job then you're lazy or haven't mastered Jedi mind control.

26. It should be legal to shoot a Democrat. They're all stupid and don't care about this country.

27. Guns don't kill people. People kill people. They just use guns to do it. And if a kid gets accidentally shot then that's because they didn't teach their kid how to use a gun properly.

28. I love everybody. Jesus told us to. Except democrats, (especially black democrats), gay people, poor people, communists, Mexicans, feminists, Muslims, atheists, and anyone who shares the same race/religion or background as those guys responsible for 9/11.

29. I don't care what your background is, how poor you were in your country or if the life of you and your family is in danger - I don't want you in my country. Unless you pay all the fees involved and jump through all the hoops. No matter how bad your country is you don't deserve to be here. I do because I won the birth lottery and got to be born here. You want to come here, then go home, get an education, make some money and then you can come back.

30. Socialism is Communism. Same thing. Exactly.


Anna Buttimore said...

Anna, well done. I too am astonished sometimes by what I read, and what nice, Christian people seem to be implying. When I was in America I was bewildered by the "I take care of myself" slogans of the Tea Party folk. Because that's all well and good if you CAN take care of yourself, but many people can't. My slogan would be "I care for others".

Constance Irrational said...

This is a wonderful, funny and scary blog. Well done you for helping the rest of us 'keep it real', it can be very easy to be confused by political rhetoric wrapped up in fine words. Good job in cutting through the fluff.