Now I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

I have been single now for over ten years after a twenty year marriage which makes me about a hundred and two. Okay, it doesn't but it sure sounds like that.

Actually, I admit it. I'm fifty. That half century. I don't look it (at least I'm told that although they could all be lying to me), I don't feel it, and somehow, most fifty year old men are not attractive to me. Maybe because I think of fifty as old, and I'm not old.

On the radio today they were asking women to make a list of the ten things they want in a man. So it got me thinking. I seem to remember making that list when I was a teenager and then I didn't follow it when I chose a husband. That stupid love/infatuation thing got in the way. Not that love/infatuation is bad. I sincerely hope it comes my way again, but boy do we get stupid when it does.

So, I thought I would write out a list to guide me and hopefully I'll remember it if I ever meet a single man who shows any interest in me. I haven't yet. There's a whole bunch of divorced women out here but I have no idea where the divorced men go. Must be some black hole somewhere.

So here it goes, in no particular order. Yes, I'm numbering them, but the numbers are NOT important.

Things I'm Looking for in a Husband

1. Someone that I'm physically attracted to. Yes, I know looks aren't everything. But at the same time, I should want to kiss him. I should like looking at him. I should feel tingly when he looks at me. I should want to wake up in the morning with him. Notice I said "to me." So he may not be physically attractive to you - okay, who are we kidding, I'm attracted to the obviously attractive - but still, I think basics are important. He should be clean. He should have a nice smile and twinkly eyes. He should take care of himself. I'm not a tatoo fan, but if he has a couple I can live with them, however if they're crawling up his neck I can't help but wonder if he ran out of skin, and if they are taking over his face then I'm out of there.

2. Someone who is kind and respectful. Like not kind as in "I'm going to pretend to be kind because that earns be brownie points" but someone who is honestly kind. Where kindness is not a chore but a way of life.

3. Someone who has a sense of humor and appreciates my sense of humor. If he doesn't get my sense of humor then how can I possibly write about him in my blog? Seriously, I don't want someone who can't laugh. Seriously.

4. Spiritual. No, I don't mean that he has to cross his legs and chant. I simply mean that he is open to God. He doesn't have to be LDS (which I'm sure shocks my LDS friends) but I can't be with an atheist. Can you imagine the fights that would happen? He would call me crazy when I tell him that God told me to do it. I don't mind someone who is searching. Frankly, I think LDS men are sometimes over rated in my church. So many or them are control freaks who want to put women in teeny tiny boxes. Not all of them. But a good number of them.

5. Someone who is morally strong. He knows what his values are. He isn't going to cheat, or be abusive. He isn't going to have the cops show up in the middle of the night to arrest him for stock market shenanigans. He's going to be able to stick to his guns when it's important and he isn't going to be a push over.

6. Someone who's sensitive. If I want to cry, he should be able to deal with that. If he wants to cry, he should be able to deal with that. If something is sad, or difficult, he should man up and deal with that in a sensitive way.

7. Someone who is financially stable and responsible. Being poor at 20 is fine. It's expected. Being poor at 40 or 50 for a man, shows someone who has completely missed the boat and fallen into the lake. What's he been doing all those years? Now I'm not saying he should have a mansion, but I think he should have more than a van down by the river. He should know how to pay his bills. If he has minor children, he should be caring for them financially. This is not me being money hungry. This is me being practical. Romance goes away when you have to share the cardboard box by the dumpster.

8. Someone who appreciates the arts. He doesn't have to be carry around a paintbox, dance like a ballerina, or wear a beret. But it would be nice to be able to talk about books with someone and occasionally go to the theatre together. It would be nice if he were literate and uses that skill on a regular basis for pleasure.

9. Someone who is young at heart. I don't want to marry a grumpy old man. Well, I wouldn't anyway. I don't want anyone who will turn into a grumpy old man. I need someone who can be spontaneous, who likes to have fun, who is willing to make a change or go on a new adventure, who doesn't want to stop learning, who wants to travel and see new places, who doesn't need to go to bed at eight o'clock every night, who is romantic, who isn't ready to settle into some boring old routine. I want someone who grabs life and opportunity and is willing to make mistakes and have fun.

10. Someone who adores me. Not someone who is just looking to get married and settles on me. But someone who honestly adores me. Who wants to spend time with me. And I'm not a time hog. I don't need someone around all the time because some things I like to do alone - like shop. And if he wants to do things with his buddies like camping or watching sports, then I hope he please does so and doesn't expect me to do it. But I want someone who puts me first in his life so that I can put him first in mine. I want someone who wants to go to the movies with me and go to dinner with me and cuddle on the couch with me. I want someone who wants me and isn't sighing over the ex, or the bikini model that turned him down, or the girlfriend who got away, or the girlfriend he dreams about.

Well the list was supposed to be ten, but I have three more that are important to me.

11. Someone who doesn't view women as less than them, who doesn't idolize Rush Limbaugh, and who believes that women should be able to do anything that they desire. Note number 4 under spiritual where I mention that some LDS men like to put women in teeny tiny boxes. They also claim they honor and respect women when they do that. What they really mean is they honor and respect women when those women do what they say and stay in their teeny tiny boxes. I need someone more generous than that and more secure in his masculinity than that.

12. Someone who is confident and goes after what he wants. Frankly, shy men don't attract me. It simply wouldn't work. I'm shy. I don't like to chase men. I like being chased. It would never work if neither of us can approach the other. We would both be waiting for the other one to make a move.  I need someone who's secure about himself, because I'm not. This is one instance where opposites attract.

13. This is a biggie. He can't be afraid of rats or rat cousins. He has to be able to kill these things, preferably without me knowing about it. Because both of us standing on tables screaming does not help me. If he's afraid of spiders, that's fine with me, because I can kill those without a problem, but the rat thing is important to me. At the same time, he can't want those rat things as pets either.

So there's my list. So, anyone know someone who makes the cut.

Did I mention that he has to be single? Yes, I know. Let's just complicate things. All the good ones are married.