Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Things I Wish That I Had Told You

Today I saw you sitting in your van while a man stood on the outside screaming obscenities at you. When I stopped to help you told me you were fine and he was your husband and you thanked me but said you didn't want me to call the police when I offered.

I knew you weren't fine. Your eyes, and your mouth, and your entire face told me something different from what your tongue said.

I told you to drive away, but I realized later that you probably couldn't because the repercussions later might be worse.

So I drove away, and I went to the police.

Here's what I wish I could have done and said.

I wish that I could have got out of my car and opened your door and held you.
I wish that I could have convinced you to drive to my house where you would have been safe.
I wish that I could have kicked his butt all the way down the street and through the park and into the lake.

I wish that I had told you

  • that you are beautiful and you deserved better than what he was giving you.
  • that even though you love him and that he is probably your whole world, he doesn`t love you,     because if he did, he wouldn`t treat you that way.
  • that all of the nasty things he calls you, is not about you. It's about him. If he calls you stupid, it's because he knows that he is stupid and that you're not and that drives him crazy, so he tells you that so you will feel worse than he does. If he calls you ugly, it's because he knows you have more beauty than he can hope for. If he puts down your dreams, your ideas, your desires, it's because he thinks so small and he is afraid that you will become greater than he is.
  • that just because he doesn't love you, does not mean that you are not loveable. It means that he is not capable of loving someone.
  • that being alone is not terrible. It is better than being with someone who is your enemy.
  • that being with this guy means that you will never find someone who will love you. 
  • that even though you may never find someone else, you can still love yourself.
  • that staying with him means that you will start to hate yourself, hate who you've become, hate the fact that you let your dreams die.
  • that he may apologize later, and you may make up, but it will only happen again, and again, and again.
  • that there are other women out there who understand exactly where you're at because they've been there too.
  • that you may not see yourself as an abused woman, because that happens to other women, not you, but you are. And that it doesn't always have to be that way.
  • that you are abused not because you are weak, or stupid, but because someone has taken advantage of all the good things in you. Your ability to love unconditionally, to forgive, to see the good in people, to see the potential in others, to sacrifice, to be unselfish.
  • that the most unselfish thing you can do for others, is to take care of yourself first
  • that just because he's not hitting you, does not mean he is not hurting you. Words destroy too.
  • that if you have children, you have a responsibility to them to not raise them to be like him, or to be with someone like him and the only way to do that, is to remove the bad example.
  • that he has issues that are too big for you to solve, and even if you could, you are too close to the situation because you have become his trigger.
  • that he does not take responsibility for his behavior. Did you notice when he turned on me for trying to help you and called me nasty names? They were the names that he should have directed at himself.
  • that you deserve better and only you can claim it

You haunt me now, because I couldn't do more. Because I didn't know what to do at the time. I pray that you are safe and that soon you will realize, that life is too short for crap like this.