Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Pet Lovers Guide to Bad Book Covers

It's not that I'm trying to make fun of other authors out there. I just can't help myself. No seriously, I think we learn more from bad examples than from good ones. There are a lot of great covers out there but the bad ones are much more interesting. They don't sell books but really, is that what book selling is about?

Ever heard the phrase "you can't tell a book by its cover", well it's not true. You should be able to tell something about a book by its cover, otherwise you're not doing your marketing job.

Don't let a bad cover sideline you.

Having said that, I am nervous that one day I too will be a feature on lousy book covers. That would not be good marketing.

None of these covers tell you if the author is a good writer. Just a reminder. In case you want to buy one of these books. I have provided you with easy links to do just that.  Because after all, if I'm going to make fun of an author's work I am going to show you where to buy the book.

And so my tribute to pet lovers and those who write for them.

Slavery According to the Bible

The great mystery of how the pyramids were built has been solved! It was tiny purse dogs all along. They have magic powers. The pharoahs discovered this early and used these miracles to build their cities. They yap and things happen.

Unfortunately in-breeding through the ages has resulted in these balls of fluff losing their powers.

So all that stuff about Moses saving his people was incorrect.

Apparently the author is in hiding over this controversial finding because he/she didn't leave a name.
Hi! I am a Dog and This Is MY Story! 59 Critical Points you probably never considered! Then finally Dogs go to Heaven

Remember when I said earlier that the cover does not tell us if the author is a good writer?

Okay, sometimes it does. 

But I'm being too tough on the author because let's face it, a dog writing a book is pretty impressive.

Although maybe not really because after looking through Amazon there's a ton of cat and dog writers out there.
Wizard the dog that knew Magic 

Wizard can levitate half his body above the trees and make himself really really big!

That is one magic dog.

The World is My Fire Hydrant: Songs, Letters, and Essays by Dogs

 Is Jacquie the author and therefore a dog, or is she just the editor that gathered all these dog writers and put them in one book?

I knew the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaned but I didn't know the Statue of Liberty suffered from the same syndrome. Do New Yorkers know this?

I can't wait to read that song to a fire hydrant.

And lets not forget about that political statement that the world is a dog's chew toy.

My Cats: A Memoir of Cats I Have Known

Honestly, there's really nothing wrong with the cover
- other than the title and the suggested subject matter.

But then who am I to criticize the audience this book is for. You know the ones that post a dozen cat pictures on Facebook everyday and collect everything cat and have 65 of them roaming around their house and another few dozen dead in their basement.

Nope, not going to criticize those people at all.


Hidden Desires

This cover is just traumatizing.

There's dog lovers, and sadly, there's dog lovers.

This poor dog looks terrified and rightly so.

Now it appears the author changed the cover which you can see when you click on the title. Although it really isn't much of an improvement since it speaks more about the author name than the book.

Unless the hidden desire is to jump off a building.

Fun Training and Understanding Your Peruvian Inca Orchid Puppy & Dog

Now here's a best seller!

I was really looking for this book because those Peruvian Inca Orchid puppies and dogs are overrunning the world.

Are Peruvian Inca Orchid puppies different from Peruvian Inca Orchid dogs?

Is fun training different from regular training?

Remember that admonition I gave that book covers do not tell you if the author can write?

I guess I was wrong again.

The Frog And The Dog: Ozzie Learns Responsibility

Yep, this is the way to encourage children to read. Tell them right on the cover that this is a book with a lesson about responsibility in it.

That's exactly what children want.

By the way, I see the dog but where's the frog and what the heck is the dog doing?

Cat Overload: Cuteness Edition (100% Cutest Cats Ever!) I am trying so hard not to gag over this one.

So Kitty Bitty wrote a book and dared to use the phrase "cuteness edition" and then slapped pictures of cats posing for play cat all over the cover. In fact she thought that one cat was so cute she pasted it's picture three times. The same picture just rotated so she could fool everyone into thinking it was three different cats.

Because there just isn't enough cat pictures out there.

Cat porno for everyone.