My Latest Books

So while I'm readying a novel for publication, I decided to publish two books, count them two, of my short stories and poetry.

The first in the series (not that it matters that it's first, you can read them in any order) is "Up in the Attic (The Tchochkie Collection)". 

What the heck is a Tchochkie? You might ask that. Even if you didn't I will explain. It's a Jewish (no I'm not Jewish, just borrowing) word for doodad, ornament, stuff you put on a shelf because you like it although it serves no purpose and everyone else wonders why you have it although you might have some admirers too.

So those are my stories and poems. Little tchochkies that I don't know what to do with but I can't throw away and I hope that someone else will like them too. Furthermore, it appears that I misspelled tchochkie. It is actually tchotchke. But I spelled it that way, because I want to.

The second in the series is "Down in the Basement". You might be noticing a theme here. But isn't that where we store our tchotchkes? Somewhere around the house?

I'm hoping that you will find enjoyment reading these books.

And coming soon will be a novel. "The Orchards of Marina Colleen Book 1: Thimble Fingers" .

I still have copies of "Roses and Daisies." These are paperback, professionally published and they are ten dollars each (autographed of course). To get a hold of me you can write me at amjunus@hotmail.com

To read more about Roses and Daisies go to this page.

Those Fictional Writers on TV

Someone on Facebook, sorry I can't remember who, posted about how TV shows aren't about writers because no one wants to watch them sit at a computer all day.

Actually there are quite a few shows where one of the main characters is a writer. But in most cases, you don't see them working as a writer. Even if they are wildly successful they have a day job which is frankly dumb. Most writers would be more than happy to kick the day job. Often giving a character the job of the writer is great for TV because it leaves them free to do stuff that they wouldn't have time to do if they had a real job. Plus since TV shows are written by writers it makes sense that they want to write about writers.

So following are some shows with writers and some drool worthy critique because when it comes to male writers, that's what's important.

Castle - Richard Castle is a multimillionaire murder mystery writer. He also solves murder crimes in his spare time through his connection to the city mayor and the police force. We never see him actually writing although his work is mentioned all the time because that's why he's working with the police force, and his muse is his partner. Occasionally we see him at book signings. He's rich, he's handsome, he's kind, he loves his mother (but is not a mama's boy), he loves his daughter, he is a big kid but still responsible, he's funny and he's totally drool worthy. I could storm his castle anytime. He would probably put up the drawbridge though because he can so easily get a prettier princess.

Criminal Minds - David Rossi is a successful true crime writer. He started his career as a criminal profiler, left to become a famous writer, and then feeling guilty for making money from making criminals famous, he's back to being a criminal profiler. One episode had him refusing to take his vacation. Most writers would happily take a vacation so they can write, but not Rossi, yet he still does write. Someone needs to profile him. For an older man, he is worthy of some drool.

Bones - Temperance Brennan is another multimillionaire writer. But in the daytime she plays with dead bodies. That's not creepy at all. However she did manage to snag a sexy vampire. Oh wait, he's not a vampire here. That was a different show. He's definitely drool worthy too.

Smallville - It took eight years for Clark Kent to find his career as a journalist. True, he was in high school for four years (and my goodness wasn't he a grown up looking fourteen year old). But when he did become a journalist (without going to journalism school) he took it seriously, that is when he wasn't rescuing everybody he knew from certain death and traveling between planets, and fighting off other worldly bad guys, and rescuing the Green Arrow from himself, and chasing Lana, and chasing Lois, and fending off every woman that noticed how drool worthy he was. Oliver Queen (the Green Arrow) was totally drool worthy too.

Lois and Clark - Clark Kent gets the job right away and spends four years chasing down the story, chasing down Lois and capturing those criminals while wearing spandex and a cape. Yes, he was drool worthy but far more drool worthy as Clark Kent than as Superman.

Ugly Betty - Betty Suarez worked at a fashion magazine as an assistant while she waited for her break as a magazine writer. She rarely ever wrote anything since her job was mostly getting coffee, rescuing her boss from his various forays into stupidity, competing with gay office guy, fending off the wicked witche's evil plans, and volleying fast balls from the receptionist.

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter - Paul Hennessey is a newspaper columnist. I've been a newspaper columnist. I've never been able to afford lunch from a column never mind raise three teenagers in a nice house. I guess they lived off of his wife's pay from being a nurse. Paul is always around to make his daughter's lives miserable. After all, that's what a father is for. He may not be totally drool worthy but he was nice.

Everybody Loves Raymond - Raymond Barone is a sports writer. Sometimes he goes off to work somewhere. Mostly he stands around and whines. He wouldn't have time to stand around and whine if he had a regular job. He is not drool worthy. Mainly because he never backs up his wife on anything and she has to do all the work. Did I mention he whines?

Sex and the City - Carrie Bradshaw is a columnist in New York writing about sex. Although her apartment isn't fabulous it is decent and she can afford to pay several hundred dollars for one pair of shoes, and she has like a thousand pairs of shoes. I have no idea how a columnist is able to afford to live in New York let alone buy collector shoes. Yes, I said collector, not designer because how often do you wear those shoes? She and her friends have sex with every man they meet and she writes about it. She also wears ugly clothes but they are all a fashion statement. She went to live in Paris with a boyfriend and left her laptop behind so she could take a scarf with her and then had a miserable time because she had nothing to do. Like a writer is actually going to do that.  Writer's go to Paris to write! She also got a fabulous book party when she got published. So being stupid wins. As for Mr. Big, the actor might be drool worthy to some people, but Mr. Big is not.

Just Shoot Me - Maya Gallo is a magazine journalist who can only get a job at Daddy's magazine. She fights against the fluff while carrying on with the bald photographer who frankly wasn't even interesting until he showed up on Flashpoint.

Murder She Wrote - Jessica Fletcher is a very successful cozy murder mystery writer. We get to see her write in the opening credits. Everywhere she goes a murder happens which she has to solve. She is walking death. You would think that people would run when they see her. It's easy for her to write mysteries because after she solves the mystery she goes home to write about it. No one yet has caught on that she's probably a serial killer who kills these people, frames someone else for it, and then makes a couple of million off the story. I bet David Rossi would figure her out.

Newhart - Dick Loudon writes how to books while running a New England inn with his wife Joanna. He should be writing strange but true books instead because he comes up against Larry, Darryl and Darryl. Turns out it was all fiction anyway and it was all a dream. He wasn't a how to book writer but a psychiatrist. It would make anyone crazy. Not drool worthy and you wonder how he even got his beautiful wives - oh yeah, he dreamed one up.

The Waltons - Johnboy Walton is the oldest of seven kids during the depression. The show opens with a voice over of his memories and closes with him at his desk in his room writing by hand (there weren't computers back then and the family is too poor for a typewriter). Johnboy does write and several episodes are about his writing adventures including starting his own newspaper. The only odd things in this heartwarming series is that Johnboy isn't the least bit embarrassed that his name is Johnboy.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show - Murray Slaughter is not a murder mystery or a crime writer in spite of his name. He's a news writer and we do get to see him write. In fact that's all you see him doing. His entire roll involved sitting at his typewriter and insulting Ted Baxter the newscaster and mooning over Mary. Not drool worthy but a nice guy to have around if you don't annoy him.

The Odd Couple - Oscar Madison was a sports writer who worked out of his apartment. He spent his time fending off his roommate Felix Unger from his desk and totally destroying his mojo. Oscar was a happy slob except when finicky Felix got in his way. Not drool worthy in the least, but that's not his fault. He was funny.

The Dick Van Dyke Show - Rob Petrie was the head writer for the Alan Brady show, a variety show on TV back when variety shows were popular and funny (how I miss those days). Rob actually went to work everyday and we saw him work with his other writers, Sally and Buddy. Some of the funniest bits from the show came out of the creativity in that office. Of course some of the funniest bits came from home life too and you could totally see what Laura (Oh Rob!!!) Petrie saw in him. Definitely drool worthy.

So that's what I came up with. If you can think of others, by all means add on.

More Choices

I've done some tweaking and I would like more opinions. Which book cover is the best. Keep in mind that maybe I need to do something completely different. There are no prizes. Just votes or comments. Or both.

Cover 1: The Original

Cover 2: Minus the ocean.  I tried the green color as well. Do you like this or the soft yellow?

 Cover 3. Same as above only with the soft yellow instead of green.

Cover 4. Divided into two parts instead of three. If the green is more popular I could use that color in place of the yellow.

So votes please. Which do you like best? Do you have other suggestions?

Need Opinions

In my last post Moving Forward in Spite of Rejection I talked about my decision to e-publish.

So here's my self-designed cover.

So what do you think? Does it intrigue you? Are there changes that need to be made? Should I scrap it and start again? What does this book cover say to you?

I would really love to have input.

Moving Forward in Spite of Rejection

I have always believed that as a writer money should be coming to me, not from me. There are all sorts of scams out there. There are so called editors and agents that are trying to take your money. It's hard to wade through the mess that these guys have created.

On the other hand, publishing is changing. Writers, fed up with the rules that agents have instituted "send us a query and we might get around to reading it. Wait six weeks to find out if we're interested. Don't send to anyone else. We may hang on to it for a year or two and still reject you." And even if by some miracle - lets face it, getting published is like winning the lottery - you do get accepted and published, you are still responsible for all the marketing. Anything can sideline it. You could end up with an ugly cover, a typesetter that doesn't know what he's doing, or a publishing company that is too busy with their big writers to worry about you. The movies depict getting your book published as this wonderful glamorous thing with big parties and catered events and long lines of devotees. It doesn't happen to the little guy.

I've also been reading blogs from writers who have been published the regular way, and been successful, and still unhappy. They aren't making money. We hear about the J.K. Rowlings and the Stephen Kings, but not about the regular author who is barely making ends meet or only does so through the help of another job. These writers claim that they are making more money by self-publishing.

Gasp! Self-publishing! That place where writers sink thousands of dollars to publish bad writing, bad editing and laughable books. That place where ANYONE no matter how bad can get published?

Yep. That place. Only now, it's not so expensive. It's ebooks and Print on Demand. Not only that but no one can tell if you're self-published or had a traditional publishing company. I've been traditonally published, but in this day it doesn't matter. No one takes you seriously anyway.

So I've decided after so much rejection - who knows what these guys want anyway even when you follow all their guidelines it's still a mystery - I've decided that I need to move forward and stop relying on everyone else.

So I am e-book publishing at first. It's free so there's no money going out from me. I'll also be looking into print on demand. I have my people (you know who you are) editing one of my books and I've designed a cover for it. I'm not a designer, but I'm doing the best I can.

Hopefully I can start moving forward.

Things I Learned From Republicans

I am neither Republican or Democrat. I'm Canadian, and therefore don't vote in the coming American election. And I'm grateful for that. However it doesn't mean I can't see what's going on especially when so many Americans are posting on Facebook. Interestingly, it's the Republicans that post the most often, so I thought I would post what I'm seeing Republicans saying. Bear in mind none of this is what I'm saying. I'm just saying what I think they are saying and I'm sure there are Republicans who are not saying these things.  And no, I'm not attacking Mitt Romney. Part of me is supportive of having a Mormon president. It's unlikely there will be Lewinskygate problems.

Note - This is all pretty haphazard.

1. I love America, therefore, I'm a Republican. Democrats hate America.

2. I believe in the democratic process of voting for our president. That's what makes America great. I believe it's our responsibility to support our president - unless he's a Democrat.

3. Everything that is wrong with America is Obama's fault. That stuff that Bush did before Obama was president - that's Obama's fault too.

4. Every American does not have the right to shelter, food or health care. However every American has the right to own and wield a gun.

5. I want more jobs for Americans. Unless I have to pay for them with my taxes.

6. All poor people are lazy and drug addicted.

7. Anyone can get a job whenever they want one. They just have to use Jedi mind control to make people give them one. It's worked for me. If you don't have a job you're either lazy or you haven't learned how to use Jedi mind control.

8. I did everything all by myself. No one ever helped me. I taught myself everything I know. I financed my own house - no borrowing for me. I put myself through school. No student loans or parents help or teachers to teach me. No one ever gave me a job. I walked into a business and took that job (Jedi mind control), when I started my business I used Jedi mind control to make people buy my service/merchandise. Everything I've ever done has been completely done by me. I even changed my own diapers.

9. Everything I have ever earned is mine. All mine. I can't save up for my yacht if I have to provide you with food. Go get a job or five.

10. I don't hate women. I just think that if a woman is in an abusive relationship she should stay there and not make me have to pay for it. Besides, she probably deserves it anyway. And women should just shut up about birth control. If you don't want babies, don't have sex. If you're married, then have the baby. But don't leave your husband ever because I don't want to pay for your kid. Women are all sluts and prostitutes anyway. Even the married ones.

11. Abortion is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. There is no reason for abortion ever. But I don't want to pay for illegitimate children either.

12. There is a difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape. To be legitimately raped you better be pretty well dead, and it all depends on what you're wearing and what your background is. If you get pregnant that's proof that you weren't raped.

13. No morning after pill! Even if you're legitimately raped. But I'm not paying for your kid. Which you wouldn't have to worry about if you're legitimately raped because you wouldn't get pregnant.

14. I don't care if kids are homeless and hungry. That's their parents responsibilty. As long as my kids are taken care of then I'm good.

15. I believe in Jesus and all his teachings. I just don't believe in helping the poor. They got there all by themselves. Besides if they were following Jesus they wouldn't be poor.

16. If you can pay for health care then you deserve to have it. If you can't then tough. That's your problem. If you're going to die then do it and decrease the surplus population. And yes that goes for children too. Poor children are just going to be lazy drug addicted adults.

17. Of course I don't want to see the homeless on the streets or beggars either. I don't care where they go, I just don't want to see them.

18. Osama, Obama, same thing.

19. Obama isn't an American citizen. He was born in Hawaii.

20. I am not a bigot. Just because I call Obama a black Muslim baxtxxd doesn't make me a bigot.

21. If you're in trouble then go to your family for help. It's not my fault if you don't have family that can help.

22. I don't want to hear about other people's hardships. I've had plenty of my own. I had a paper cut this morning but you don't see me whining about it.

23. No more taxes. I can educate my own children, build my own roads, put out my own fires, and I don't need law enforcement. I've got a gun.

24. I am sick of poor people feeling entitled to food and shelter. The people that are entitled are rich people. They deserve every penny their parents earned.

25. We need more jobs because there aren't enough jobs to go around. But if you don't have a job then you're lazy or haven't mastered Jedi mind control.

26. It should be legal to shoot a Democrat. They're all stupid and don't care about this country.

27. Guns don't kill people. People kill people. They just use guns to do it. And if a kid gets accidentally shot then that's because they didn't teach their kid how to use a gun properly.

28. I love everybody. Jesus told us to. Except democrats, (especially black democrats), gay people, poor people, communists, Mexicans, feminists, Muslims, atheists, and anyone who shares the same race/religion or background as those guys responsible for 9/11.

29. I don't care what your background is, how poor you were in your country or if the life of you and your family is in danger - I don't want you in my country. Unless you pay all the fees involved and jump through all the hoops. No matter how bad your country is you don't deserve to be here. I do because I won the birth lottery and got to be born here. You want to come here, then go home, get an education, make some money and then you can come back.

30. Socialism is Communism. Same thing. Exactly.

Janette Is At It Again

As if giving away one free book isn't enough, she's now giving away a second. Just leave comments on her blogs to enter.

An Author Incognito
Janette Rallison's Blog

I would post pictures of these books but I'm on a public blog and don't have access to them.