Thursday, October 9, 2014

Time for Lousy Book Covers!

Yep, it's that time again.

If you want to read my previous posts about lousy book covers you can go to these links.

The Lousy Book Cover Examination
The Pet Lovers Guide to Bad Book Covers

Now I do not claim originality of thought here. I get my inspiration from Lousy Book Covers. And yes, I've stolen the images from there, which were stolen from somewhere else. Well, not really stolen since there's nothing wrong with advertizing someone's book.

And in fact I will do that. Whenever possible I have provided links to where you can learn more about the books, because if I'm going to make fun of them it's only fair that I let everyone know where to purchase these art creations.

Let me make this clear. A lousy book cover does not mean it's a lousy book. Well, not all the time anyway.

I just hope that I don't end up on Lousy Book Covers one day.

If by chance you are responsible for one of the book covers, I'm sorry. Take that any way you please.

The 1955 Auburn Tigers by Robert Grey Reynolds Jr.

Can anyone read the title? Or the author's name? I just can't take my eyes off the scary squished up psychotically smiling woman. What is she doing? No wonder the guy in the football uniform is trying to run away from her.

Making lousy book covers step 1: Find a bunch of images and if they don't fit squeeze them to make them taller and thinner because everyone looks better taller and thinner.

What? The Sun did all This: A post-apocalyptic story by Pete Thorsen

Apparently, the sun builds barns.

Is "The Sun did all This" an answer to the question "What?" or is it another part of the question?

Punctuation problems on a cover could indicate if there are problems inside the book too. Let's see. We'll take a look at the book blurb.

In this story (of about 20,000 words) the sun sends out a massively strong CME that strikes the earth. Similar to the one that struck in 1859 that is now known as the Carrington Event it did some damage back then but we did not have electricity back at that time. With all the electric wires running everywhere and our total dependency on electronics this time the human population took a catastrophic hit. Follow the new life of a
single man who tries to unite with his family who unfortunately live in different states and the hardships he faces on his journey. 
Hmm. But at least he apologizes in advance.
If when reading any story you find that an occasional grammatical error spoils your whole experience then you may wish to not read this story as I am sure some could be found within it despite my best efforts. 
That's always a good sign. A full out apology for bad writing and grammar problems.

Westward Jetways by Aaron Granlund

It's official. Zombies have taken over the airlines!

And to make sure that no one else will write the exact same story the author has not once, but twice made sure that everyone knows it's "copywrited material" which you don't see here, but if you go to the link and click on the cover, you'll see it at the top and bottom of the cover. You also get to read a little of his work. Go ahead. I dare you.

 Las Vegas Sins & Scams: Book Eight: Unscrupulous Mellow Scoundrels (The Girls Take Over) First Part - Paul Wallace Winquist

If you're not tired from reading the title in all those lovely colors (don't forget to read "first part" with your head tilted to the side), you then get to read a warning at the bottom of the cover.

Las Vegas is depicted with a sunset over the ocean because that's what Las Vegas is. A tropical getaway at the beach. It's a part of Las Vegas I've never heard of, but what do I know, I've never been there.

Be sure to catch the first seven books and their various parts.

Crossroads of Deceit by Johan F. Roux

It's a ghost hunter! Or the invisible man! Or Rogue Rifle!

Whatever it is, you have to be careful of those guns that can travel anywhere without a shooter. You just can't trust them.

A book for every woman: How to find and love yourself (And, by the way, to lose weight) This is true story.: This book is written for all brave and fantastic women. by M. Maylana

Why have pages if you can write the novel on the cover? I can't tell what the title is. It's in that sentence up top somewhere.

Note to writers who's first language isn't English. If you're going to write in English, you still have to follow the rules.

No matter how big I make this picture I can't make out what the heck it is. Is that what happens when you lose weight? You become little pieces of fabric?

The Boy Who Met God by Penelope Kahler Swan

The Boy Who Met God and Became a Distorted Elf Who Wears Pink Tutus on His Head and Matching Lipstick

Who knows. This may very well be a moving story about a boy who doesn't fit in and is able to rise above it and become the hero of the village.

You never know.

Reminder: A bad book cover does not equal a bad book. It just means that the author has no design sense. Any one of us could be guilty of that. Really. I too might one day accidently stick a zombie, a distorted elf and a squished up maniacal woman on my cover.



Anonymous said...

Hahah this is very funny!

LivingforGod said...

This is funny. It made me laugh and wonder what they were thinking :). Thanks for this light-hearted post.

~Urailak (Fruit Bearer on Facebook)


You have to really wonder what these authors and more importantly the publishers were thinking of when they published these books. It is definitely something.

Anna Maria Junus said...

I would say that most if not all of these books are self-published. So it is up to the author.